Hi everyone, Well, things haven't slowed down, in fact it just keeps coming. D19 had a huge fight with her boyfriend who is acting like he's in MLC and has come to stay with me. STBXW's dad had surgery and before he went in gave her instructions on how to handle the IRS problems which for him was to question everything I've been doing and get her to treat me as the "cause" and file an "Innocent Spouse" that is full of lies and won't gain her anything but ruin all the work I've done to this point. Now the woman from the IRS who was happy to work with me has totally stopped. They hate when the parties fight with each other and any good will I had gained with this person has ended. So now the whole thing just got that much more complicated and less likely to get lowered. All she had to do was wait another couple weeks and it would be over but no, dad made sure it will be longer and drawn out and have no chance at coming to a settlement. Lovely.
D15 is going to IC and doing OK. She has become close with a couple other girls who are ex-cutters and has been doing more social stuff. When her father went to have surgery W gave me no notice and just texted me that D15 had to be at school early Monday. I texted back "So, she's staying with me?" and she said she was going to be with her dad out of town. She didn't ask, didn't say "sorry for the short notice" just told me what was going to happen. The first night she got there I get a call (while my D19 was trying to reach me because of her big fight with boyfriend and was in tears) from W saying why hadn't I done this or that about the taxes. I told her I was doing all I could and she started spewing. Then, today I was trying to reach the woman at the tax office and I get a call text from W saying to stop trying to call her as she filed "Innocent Spouse", not from the woman from the IRS but from W! Now, I just have to wonder what she told this woman, the lies she spews at me I can see her spewing at this woman who up until now was very willing to work with me and seemed sympathetic and willing to help. Great. Of course she doesn't know my W is deep in MLC and will lie and believe her own lies.
At work my boss is on the war-path because the people that have worked there longer than me haven't been doing as well as he thinks they should and he know expects me to basically do as well as (actually better than) people who have worked there for more than a year and I am only just now starting my third month. I now have both my D's to feed and take care of and at the same time I can't afford to pay for what I have now!
I spoke with my lawyer about my D15 cutting herself and he says that is an "emergency" and qualifies as something that I can go to court over if I feel my W is making matters worse. At the same time W is pushing me to sign the final paperwork so she can end the M as her father has told her that he wants it to happen before he dies! I just got the paperwork Friday and haven't even had time to go over it as I've been working on the IRS stuff. At this point I'm not sure I want to sign this agreement since it gives her as much control over D15 as I. Turns out that D15 started cutting in response to how her mother was acting and the only reason she didn't kill herself was because she knew how much it would hurt me. The first time she cut herself was when she was staying with her mom and W's father started yelling at her about being "nicer" to her mother and wouldn't leave her alone and all her mother did was agree with him! She felt so betrayed by her mother she locked herself in her room and was ready to explode. Que the start of her cutting.
W has told D19 that she can't "afford" to help her even though she was kicked out of her apartment and has to quit her job because she has no way to get there (no car) and W has to "Take care of myself and your sister alone with no help". This woman makes $80,000 a year. I did her expense report for the tax stuff and after inflated numbers to try and keep the amount down has more than $3500 left over every month after all her expenses are paid. My numbers? I make $850 LESS than the lowest allowable living expenses according to the IRS...and that's not including the added expense because my older D is living with me again! Yes, the selfishness of the MLCer rears it's ugly head once again. What W doesn't seem to understand is how the way she is acting is affecting her kids. Nor would she care if she did. That darn empathy chip being fried I guess.
So, here I am. Trying to comfort my D19. At least I know what to tell her as she had been doing all the stuff us LBS's always seem to do without knowing it isn't the right thing to do. Like beg, tell him she will "change", she loves him, etc. At least I can tell her how that won't work as I have some experience with that. D19 said tonight she just doesn't understand what is wrong with everyone in the world. Her mom, her grandfather, now her boyfriend are all acting so "insane". Well, I know how she feels but like I told her, she can only control herself and how she reacts. She can't control how anyone else thinks or chooses to act. All it will get her to try is more pain and misery.
All this but you know what? I will be alright. The worst that can happen with the IRS is they believe W's lies and make me pay even though we never would have owed a penny if she had just filled out her W-4 right. So what. I can't control what happens and it's only money. I've been able to live on nothing this long, I will find a way to handle that outcome if it's what ends up happening. I do know one thing for certain. The W I knew and loved is good and truly dead. If what is happening to her D's isn't enough to get her to see that her actions are having hurtful consequences nothing will. She, like her father before her, will live out the rest of her life as the victim. Never understanding that the things she is throwing away like her family and the respect of her kids are the very things that could have brought her peace and an end to her "misery". Her father will be gone soon and then where will she be? She has alienated even her own mother and D's so who will she have then? So sad, too bad but this was her choice and she will have to live with the consequences down the road. In the mean time I may not be able to help with money but my D's both know I will always be there for them and we will always be a family. I'd rather have that then all the money in the world!
