Surrendering this battle to win the war.

[Pyrite]

No DB coach yet. Have an IC. Moving to another IC for ...."comparison". No L, yet.

My sitch is no where near as dramatic as yours!

BUT

Letting her impact how you choose to live and respond...that would be tragic.

She's not choosing so much how, but where. I'm in a position that she WONT compromise on where she is relocating to. She has agreed tentatively that the kids (and me) can live 30-40 minutes away. But the reality is this is NOT workable.

So either she stupidly goes ahead with this only to find out after a few months what a drain it is, or she realises it now. Sooner or later she will realise that the only thing in the way here is the 50/50 arrangement. SO she will L me for full custody.

OR I cave and relocate to her preferred location.

OR I can fight it. But this will be clawing my way back. In the meantime, d4 needs to start school. SO where? And I would prefer not moving her again.

Strategically I think it may be better for me to make that move now, highlighting that she is the one guilty of "abandonment". We are all happy with existing location, schools, daycare, proximity to grandparents etc. (Thats why we chose here after 12 months of searching) The ONLY drawcard to W's proposed relocation is 3 month old job. Otherwise it is 1.5-2 hours further away from everything in ALL our lives.

One last thing - I think you might be being a bit generous. I understand and have faith that you are monitoring the sitch, but i would advise against adopting a stance of such benevolence. I have a family member who grabbed their kid from the alcoholic mother. The mother then had another kid with some long gone deadbeat. The sibling was not related to my cousin, so out of his control. Nonetheless the two kids grew up together. the rescued kid is great now (20 years later). the other - well lets just say ...not so good.