Whoa, I'm not suffering much anymore! Now what?!?

[Zues126]

You know what's even better? I'm truly having fun. I am a territory salesman for a big national bank, and cover a lot of miles. Today I had two appointments about 1.5 hours south of where I live, and tomorrow morning at 9AM I have another appointment in a town around the same area, so I just booked a hotel.

Hey, no kids tonight, so I can just stay here.

So I check into the hotel, get some work done, then I'm surfing DB forums for a while. I go out for a walk to grab a little gas station cold sub dinner and I'm walking down the street and I just got so happy. It's nice out, I'm walking on green grass.

And my job is B2B sales, I started seeing other businesses I've worked with, and then I saw the business I'll be meeting with in the morning. And I'm just so happy because I've got this cool job. Shoot, I dropped out of college after 1 semester, I thought I'd be driving a fork lift my entire life. And that's no offense to people that work manually, but I'm just glad I have a job that taps my competitive nature.

Yes, I'm anxious because I haven't succeeded but that's what drives me to work hard. I always said to my sales staff "if you're worried, then I'm not worried. If you're NOT worried, then I AM!" You need to be engaged to perform.

But anyway, I just realize I'm having more fun in my life than I have since I was 18. The title is true.

Yes, I think of STBX daily. Everytime I feel good I think of her, almost like I'm testing a tender point to see if it still hurts. And you know what? Not much pain.

I want to describe this better so new posters know what lies ahead. I took my kids to the science museum a couple of months ago, and I was really talking up the "omnitheatre", this big dome that plays movies that's really cool. Unfortunately they were all sold out, so they told me about a fire demonstration that sounded cool. THAT show was cancelled. I was really bummed. I wanted to take them, it would've been great! But you know what? We were there, so we checked out other exhibits, hung out as a family, and had a great time anyway! THAT'S how I feel about the D. I'm not thrilled with the way this turned out. It's not what I wanted. I'm REALLY bummed I can't give the kids the life I wanted to and can't protect them from this destruction. But that's life, and I CAN teach them how to lead through adversity.

I will continue to stand because that's who *I* am. And it would be great if she chooses to step up to the plate, do a 180, quit drinking, take responsibility for her life, do some work, etc. I'm neither saying that's impossible or hoping that will happen. I am just pumped because I'm done playing the "percentage game".

I would love that miracle to happen, but I'm not expecting it, and I am totally prepared to finalize our D, accomplish my goals, continue to grow, and prepare myself for a great rest of my life. And hopefully someday in a couple of years I'll be ready to find the right woman. And I want to do everything I can between now and then so that when I am in an M with that woman I can give her the H she deserves.

Thank you DB for listening. You guys are a BIG part of the reason why I've been doing so well lately. Much appreciated.