Mozza (12) + Links to success stories

[Mozza]

Wow, this is like a reunion! Thank you so much to all who came by already on this new thread. I came here to save my M, then myself and now I come for the friendship.

GAL report | It's been so long since my last GAL report. Suffice to say that I'm plenty busy. I don't really have downtime at home to feel bad about the sitch. I have the dance lessons, gym three days a week, I attended a few sports game (unusual for me), I run errands, meet up with friends, etc. Tomorrow, I'm going to a function with one of my alumni, then said dance lesson, Friday a meeting of entrepreneurs, Saturday I'm helping a friend renovate and then a date (!) in the evening, Sunday I don't know but if nothing comes up, I'm thinking of the Fine Arts Museum.

Work report | After a few very quiet weeks, all my clients woke up at once. I don't understand why, but work went from 0 to sixty in one week. I even have 3-4 new potential clients. Thankfully, I feel more motivated and focused than before, so I take it up in strides, even though I'm nervous it will clog at some point. Nevertheless, it's fun to have the income to look forward to because I've been dipping in my savings as of late.

Detachment report | Last week, I was going to a function where I could practice my flirting (ie: gather the courage to walk up to an attractive stranger and strike up a conversation) so I had dressed up nicely. By coincidence, I ran into WW on the street. It was in some ways the perfect DB encounter, as prescribed by MWD: I was top shape, in a good mood and in a rush to go somewhere. We talked for 90 seconds about summer camps (she had called me from across the street). When it was finished, I turned around and started running because I was late. I really don't like seeing WW, but I couldn't have planned this one better. And at the function, I did chat up a very nice woman who ended up asking me for my number. Not much there afterwards though.

Flirting/dating report | This online dating thing has gotten the flirting experiment to another level. Before, it was just a matter of facing my fear of rejection to talk to attractive women. I don't feel it online because it's clear that everyone there is interested in something and expects people to come on to them. I can still get rejected, but it stings much less. Most interesting is that I have to reject some women too. It's incredibly difficult (ladies, I understand better what it's like for you!), but I take the high road and respond, rather than ignore. It made me realize that I probably have a fear of confrontation in an unfamiliar context. Still learning more about myself, so that's good.

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Zues126 | Your posts are very touching. Yes, in some ways and parts of my life, I am a leader. Yes, you and I somewhat represent two perspectives on these boards: you for the total commitment to M and me for moving on and dating-while-separated. I respect your views greatly and I hope that it shows. Thanks for following me.

raliced | Do I believe it when my WW told me that I didn't love her enough and that I was a robot? In part, yes. The thing is that my WW told me that she was miserable before meeting OM. What she said at the time, I believe. That I didn't love her enough, that was at BD though, so I'm not sure about it. This being said, I also realize that she was holding me responsible for her unhappiness. No wonder she seemed as miserable five months after BD.

As for the kids' contacts with OP, well I guess there's nothing I can do about it now. Interestingly enough, I almost never hear about OM from my daughters. All I hear is negative in fact: how he stinks when he's back from running, how he gargles with water, how he gets upset when D3 is noisy. A friend of mine asked D7 how she felt about him (I wasn't there) and she responded that she was uncomfortable with the question. Attagirl!

gan | Yes, what seems like little adjustments to us were probably big deals to them. I believe that an aggression has a deeper impact on the victim than the aggressor realizes, and that applies to a fight or even just a threat (I think it also applies to S and that WAS have no idea how much LBS hurt). We should be very careful in the future never to minimize our impact when we are the aggressors.

jim0987 | Did I hide my emotions for fear of showing weakness or upsetting people? Perhaps. The emotions I hid were positive, such as enthusiasm, love, affection, even sadness. Why the heck did I hide this? First, I was afraid to be mocked, I guess, if my WW could see that the kids, her or a movie made me cry with motion. I held it in or turned away. But also, I didn't want to make her feel good. We had ongoing fights and I felt like she shouldn't be rewarded at the time or just didn't feel like being demonstrative to her. The only support I'd give her was "logical", like "good on you for applying to this job", but never "you have no idea how much I love you right now". I see now how ridiculous this is. I now do the opposite with my kids: I show them love all the time, even when I'm upset with them. I never decline a hug. And they adore me and tell me they love me about 30 times a day. One of my main lesson of the S is that I should always, always make my partner understand that I love her, no matter how upset I am.

Thanks a lot for the prompt on work and GAL. It was the inspiration for the two updates above.

Karma12 | Nice to see you again. No, your recent interactions with your STBX are not exactly what I was thinking about. Let's give it some more time.

MCS | Yes, many of us here have to learn to express our desires and wants. It's a surprise for me to realize how difficult this was because most people around me would have said that I was assertive. But it's a different matter in different aspects of my life. I've a lot of work to do, but I feel good when I make progress. I can tell that I'm going to a place where I'll be more comfortable in my own skin.

Cadet | While I appreciate greatly your work since you became a moderator, I don't understand why you suddenly strictly enforce the no external links policy. It's been the policy all along, yet there was some flexibility in it. Perhaps you could explain why you feel that your approach is increasing the value of these forums, for MWD and for the contributors?