Pilot, it's a control issue for sure. Need to know EVERYTHING so I can do SOMETHING. That "something" is what keeps me up at night. Trying to figure out what it is. When really there is nothing. So then I look for any thread to hold on to -- "It'll be fun to bang other girls", "Kids are gonna have so much fun decorating their new rooms at my pad", whatever. Any port in the storm. I hate to admit but suicide fantasies even have helped calm me. Not that I ever ever ever would, just the "comfort" that I COULD if it got too unbearable. Like I said, any port in the storm. But don't worry please I'm not suicidal.
Really decent right now though. Unless she's completely bamboozling me, all seems quite well. I'm giving her space. Hopeful unless I'm blindsided by some bomb drop. Which starts the circle of obsession again! Can't do anything about anything except me right now!!
Me 37,W37 D8,D5 T20 years, M13 years BD-5/14 MC starts (continues)-9/14 EA discovered-10/14 Piecing(?)-11/14-5/14 "I just feel 'done'"-5/15 Trial S (I moved)-6/15/15
