Maybell XXXV: Almost There

[Maybell]

I always had the impression my dad found having a daughter a terrifying responsibility. His personality did a complete 180 when I got married and became someone else's problem. My suspicion is that he's kinder to me right now because I have been managing all this on my own for over a year and he's starting to see I have some strength and will be ok, so the burden isn't back on him. But I was really surprised at his attitude too.

I don't want to share too much about the legal stuff just to be safe, but my lawyer warned me today that things could "get rocky" but that he was confident I would ultimately prevail.

I have to say that as much as my pride would like me to just take what STBX offers and walk so I can call myself self-sufficient, the cost to the kids would be very high and it seems unfair to make them pay both for their father's stupidity and their mother's pride. I hope they still see me as strong even if I let their father continue to be the primary financial support.

I'm actually really well. I saw him leave the house last night and didn't feel the need to slam the door on his a$$ like I'd been doing, which I count as progress. I really believe that this is all truly his loss.

I worry about S9, however. He wants more time with his dad, and asked yesterday if he could spend some time with him this weekend (I have the kids for the second week in a row owing to all his swaps). I said it was ok with me but that he needed to talk to his dad about it. To my knowledge he gave up on it at that point. I'm wondering if I shouldn't hand him the phone and tell him how to reach STBX (though he ought to know), or if I should let it be. I worry STBX will hurt him again. I don't know how to handle this.

STBX is pretty hurtful and stupid. My L called him a dirtbag. I feel disappointed that I chose such a cr@ppy person to be my kids' dad.