first, i found that a really interesting discussion you had with Zeus. I can recognise some of the dynamic through my M. In my case i was the HDS (post kids) but for me it was the lack of desire on my XW's part that really hurt, so just doing it wouldnt actually have helped (in truth she occassionally tried the just do it approach and thats pretty unsatisfying all round)
where this got to in our case was that the difference in desire became so central to everything. If i went for more ordinary contact such as a hug or a kiss, my XW immediately felt she had to make clear it wasnt going any futher which just compounded the rejection. Its really not much fun when a 'I've just got in from work' hug is met with some variant of the 'I've got a headache' response. If i tried to talk to her about it then i handled it badly and ended up feeling guilty for 'pressuring' her.
If i tried anything to try and make her feel sexy then (i think) she just saw this as me trying to manipulate her - which i guess i was but at some levels the difference between manipulation and romantic geture is purely one of personal interpretation.
for me the end result was then not to initiate anything because it would be met with rejection and ruin both of our moods
this all meant everything to do with our sex life was then determined by her as the LDS. and I suspect that she really felt the pressure of that which surpressed her desire for me even more.
Net result = increasing resentment on both sides
The second thing is about this letter which i know we've discussed a couple of times. I'm not going to say dont send one as given the lack of contact I dont see it doing any harm to your situation (depending on what it says).
what i will say is that from my purely external perspective to your situation there is a timing thing and i think that timing is when you are truly ready to move on and can send it without any expectation of a reaction or response of any kind.
I say this because only a couple of months ago you told him how you feel - he knows you want more and he knows you dont want to D (you chased him down the street if i remember ). so he will interpret it how he chooses to and rationalising and explaining may run the risk of invalidating his feelings
If you can send something that you're happy acts as almost a goodbye letter which explains how you feel and properly acknowledges how he feels then it might be worth it, but it needs to be (purely in my opinion) about closure for you rather than because you expect it to influence him.
Following Calibri's advice though - it might be worth writing something and then sitting on it for at least two weeks (whats an extra two weeks) to see how you feel about it.
Hope your doing well
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
). so he will interpret it how he chooses to and rationalising and explaining may run the risk of invalidating his feelings
