Jim0987 #13 - Its life Jim, but not as we know it

[jim0987]

Hi all,

Thanks for checking and the speculation. It made me tempted to leave an update and see whether a properly outlandish theory might emerge

Its been a busy week or so and I'd like to think that Gan is closer to whats been happening with me but there has been a fair chunk of introspection about a few things.

So on the good stuff well I've had the kids for most of the last week and we have filled it with day trips and baking and visiting family so its been nice, particularly the bank holiday -we had a really really good day and the kids were in such a good mood when i dropped them round to my XW at the end of the day.

Work is good, There's some good progess on a couple of things though they could still implode. Its difficult to say much more here. There are a couple of longstanding problems that need to be but i'm confident they will get sorted.

Less good stuff - the physio and I still havent worked out what is wrong with my leg but it is slowly getting better. In the meantime though it means all dancing/squash/yoga and running has all had to stop (for four weeks now )

The other less good is D4's behaviour. its deteriorating and i'm not really sure why or exactly what to do about it other than enforce boundaries and then talk to her when she is calmer. A lot of the time she talks about missing mummy but i dont how much of this is genuine reaction. I feel like i should talk to XW about it but i dont want to give the impression that i cant handle things.

So interaction with my XW has been much more normalised (tolerable coworker normal rather than friendly). handovers have involved basic pleasantries and XW has even volunteered information about her movements. I'm being postive all the time with her and it has mixed responses but its not about the reaction for me.

As for the introspection, well thats been about where i am in the scheme of things. I'm trying to move on with my life as best I can and i have a good idea of what i want from it. I've also confirmed that I definitely seem to have a type for women i'm attracted to.

I do still love my XW and I always will - despite everything i dont see that changing and I will always think we were a good match. I told my brother (much to his despair) that i married the right person for the right reasons, it just hasnt worked out how i wanted.

If my XW decides she wants to try and make things work then at the moment i'm open to and would like that (despite some reservations) but i'm basing all my decisions and plans on the basis that wont happen

what I can choose to do instead is accept whats happened (the headspace acceptance pack actually helped on this) and move on. I do still feel my mood drop when I think about my XW with someone else but its less of a drop and shorter in duration.

I havent completely removed my concerns about some of her complaints about me, but some of it I can recognise and adjust, some of it i now see was more about her, but most of it was much more about the dynamic, and some of the discussions on these boards has really helped me to understand that.

So all in all, I think i'm doing good and am very grateful for the support i've recieved here.

Hope you are all well and having a good [INSERT REFERENCE RELATIVE TO TIME ZONE]