Heavy, I don't have any advice for this situation, and I'm hoping that Wonka shows up soon, but I do want you to know that I feel for your situation and hope you can find a way to achieve your goal in this area.
M 46 / H 43 T 24/M 18 S 4 11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY 1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom 1/8/2016 H moved out
While I understand the concern, I am thinking your W will spew at the email as she will feel controlled. In her mind she may spin it that its ok for the kids to go with you to XX but you are not allowing her time with the kids to go to XY, tit for tat. Honestly, a 5 hour plane ride would not kill your children, if anything .. and this is how my devious mind works ... at worst it will make them cranky, and soley your W's problem, I do feel the more real things get for her, the better chance that she comes to her senses and nothing can get more real than good ole travel stress.
Regardless your W should have her time with the kids, vaca where they wish .. these are things out of your control (for the most part) provided she is not going to move out of state nor put the children in harms way, thankfully my W never seemed to lose it THAT bad.
Yep. If I were your W, I'd be pissed because I would feel like you were controlling me. Especially after you had already said in an email previously, "no problem" - even if that wasn't your context.
I agree with Caliguy -five hours on a plane isn't THAT bad, and honestly? It's your W's problem to deal with. If the situation were reversed, would you like her telling you where you can and cannot take your children to vacation?
M:32,H 32 T:10, M5 BD/H Move Out: 9/2014 - extreme anger H Mental Illness Diagnosis: 4/15 Served D Papers: 10/15 Divorced: 11/15
The issue is how much time they will spend on a plane. They will spend 5 hours going to X for 2 weeks and 5 hours coming back. My W then wants to take them for 4 days to X for 5 hours, and then return for 5 hours.
That's just a lot of plane travel for little kids.
But maybe y'all are right and I'm just too controlling.
Heavy ... look at it this way .. your W is taking the kids for 4 days, Thats it ... plane train automobile does not matter, I recall my mom stuffing us in the back of a station wagon for what seemed like 4 days (I think it was only 6 hours) for a trip.
I know when I take my S(8) back home its 1 hour in the car to the airport, 3 hour flight, another 3-4 hours in the car ... we might stay 4 days then back home .... believe me the little kids handle it WAY better than my old a$$ does. I used to drive it all the time in my military days, 18 hour drive, no more of that insanity.
I just get the vibe its about you here, I understand you are trying to shield the kiddos from the crazy MLC/WAS or whatever ... thing is she is their mom too ... My W took S up north 6-7 hour car drive, she is probably legally blind when it gets dark, but if I were to say No, that robs S of a fun memory filled trip with just him and his mom, plus just creates more things for her to dislike about me, I like you did not want her to do that trip but that was just because I felt all I loved was in that car without me, did not want me and it hurt like hell, again .. its not about us, its their journey and we are on our own.
Just saw your bat signal and saw that many good folks have already swung by here talking you off the ledge. Yeah, they all are correct in their view of your true underlying reason for saying "no"....however painfully difficult it may have been for you.
I say let them have the kids as LONG as there's no real danger in any of the activities they partake in together.
Keep going...one foot in front of the other...eyes straight ahead.
I agree with everyone and your decision: it's really not that bad for the kids. As I've explained on my thread, I had to agree to my WW and OM taking my kids to the beach overseas this summer. It hurts because it will be their first time and I won't be there, but it's the new normal.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
So I just met with W to pick up S9 hearing aid. She called and asked to meet for the pick up. She had broken it trying to clean it improperly.
It was a drive by interaction, I said hello, thank you and off she drove. Total encounter time 25 seconds. There was no eye contact. I tried to be light and breezy, she acted like she could not wait to drive away.
She has a new hairstyle, new aviator sunglasses and had the "I've moved on attitude." I always told her how beautiful her hair was when it was long and now it's all chopped off. its like everything she was, has changed, everything she once believed in has changed, she really is not recognizable to me.
So sad to think this was the person I shared my life with, confided my hopes and dreams with, and have two children with.
Again, who is this person? Her new attitude and hair scream I am free and am liberated from the prison.
Wait - I am mindreading. She may not be thinking that at all. But that's how it "felt" anyway. I know feelings should not lead our decisions, but....
Yup ... ^^^ Been there, done that, have the shirt.
I recall one 'hostage exchange' where she came up to the door, short shite shorts, heels, sailing-type top, and yeah .. Aviator Sunglasses, said she was meeting up with a GF at a brewery ... shame that GF was on my FB posting about how fun Rio has been all week .... but yeah that image still stuck in my mind, and like you put it ... they put on the face like its all good and they have moved on, thing is ... its just a mask, just like the OP, they are using that stuff for a fix, to feel better, still hurts .. but its not real, deep down you know that and can see it ... but for now your W has been abducted by aliens
