I have been porn free for 33 days now. Nothing over a month. But I can't seem to pull myself out my no energy funk. So not even exercising. I have to start, I just need to do something. I don't even go out anymore. I haven't been around friends or family for months. I want to go watch a movie, but I don't because I have no one to go with.
Here's my deal. The porn, was like cheating on her. I literally had an affair on my wife. Then to top it all off. One of my best friends wife's starts to hit on me after separation the first time. I take off with it, get her to send me a picture. The friend finds out, she has tons of guilt, and she tells my wife what happened. I don't know if I ever would have said something either. I never imagined I would ever do this kind of stuff. I lost my friend, my W, and my sense of self worth.
The guilt and shame is killing me inside. I can only imagine how the W feels right now. I so badly want to save my marriage, but it's just not possible after all of that. Then I look at myself and say how could you do that, I have no self control what so ever. I am so ashamed of myself right now. All through the R, it was me making stupid choices, and it finally caught up to me. I can turn it all around, but I almost feel what's the point. My kids are the only thing making me tic right now, and it's just not enough.
