TW, How do you feel about your H right now? What is it that you really want?
I feel like I don't know how to put the bad memories side. The things he said, I don't know how to understand WHY he said things if he didn't mean it.
I know I still love him. I guess my problem is I am still trying to understand WHY the affair happened broken down into individual actions. I think I have a hard time comprehending addiction and know that I have read addicts will lie, cheat, steal, do all kinds of crazy things for their addiction but do they really believe the lies they tell?
I have a hard time accepting that my H (in his mind) saw OW as this wonderful mother, GREAT person and overall had very few flaws. All while viewing me VERY negatively. And some of the things he viewed me negatively for she did and he was ok with. For example smoking, I would smoke randomly when I was stressed (NOT while pregnant) and OW smokes every day (She is pregnant now and I saw her smoking while driving)....
It's just torture to think about those kinds of things.
I guess I just want to find a way to make sure this doesn't happen again but I don't know how.
I could and very well may have written every single red lettered word here.
I am not caught up on your sitch but this post was like a thunerbolt as I struggle with the same thing.
I have begun to process it, your H has asked .. what can he do... now is the time to figure out what you need, day to day, what you need for closure, and both of you must realize this wound will take time and tenderness to heal, you both need to repair it.
About a month ago my W was over at my place, we were talking and she brought up that I stated I wanted mo more secrets ... over the past couple years just felt like she was living 2 separate lives, granted our M was not all roses, but it was not "Go and find a OP for the fix" bad either. So she told me she would be open and honest, there was a question in my head about how it started, knowing this guy was not going to repeat that ever again.... I thought it might be a 4 year thing, turns out much much shorter, she timelined it for me, and it meshed with the times I had ... I believed her, that was a step.
Have you thought about MC together>? I seen I think it was Bond state that when it gets to a point MC is required, we have alot of hurts and issues that need to be adressed, and its not something you would want to tackle by yourselves.
Regardless it appears your H is putting himself out there, thats scary, you may want to think about what you really need and actually communicate this to him to start building that lost trust back.
