Boy... it sure is easy to take the bait sometimes isn't it. She's running around the house this evening like nothing has happened. I'm keeping NC for the most part. Keeping my answers short when I do respond.
I'm not falling for your little bits of food you're throwing my way.
It's funny. In the description for the pursuer and distancer it said, the distancer is "Most comfortable emotionally(although not truly happy) behaving like a baby." She was looking for something to eat in the fridge and she literally made a pouty face and stomped on the ground playfully trying to get my attention. I walked to the other room out of view.
M30 W30 Married: 1 year Together: 4 years No kids 3 Dogs
It's funny. In the description for the pursuer and distancer it said, the distancer is "Most comfortable emotionally(although not truly happy) behaving like a baby." She was looking for something to eat in the fridge and she literally made a pouty face and stomped on the ground playfully trying to get my attention. I walked to the other room out of view.
Good, you did perfect.
You handled the text very well. You will need to tell your parents what's going on with her.
The anniversary......do not plan anything. No gift, dinner, nothing! She has dumped you. This is not a time to celebrate the marriage.
I look at going on vacation the same way. Why would you want to take a "fun-planned trip" with someone who has done this to you? Talk about miserable!! If she says anything else, I would just look at her incredious and say, "Considering our circumstances, I have no desire to go on a trip together". If she suggests going just as "friends", tell "no thanks" !
If you have non-refundable money on the trip, get a buddy to go with you, but don't hand it over to her. Did she have money invested in the trip?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
I made the changes you requested and I am just going to comment that the last fact was significant, something YOU need to keep in mind, IMHO. It does not need to be posted here, however it does show that she has things in her childhood that are unresolved. That is not something that is unusual for most people, we all have things in our past we must deal with. How we do it is another story.
You can not change any of these facts, You can only change YOU!
Edit - One last question is edited your REAL name? If it is change your username.
Thanks for all of your help, Cadet! I'll be more careful here on out.
I'm focusing on not changing her or even having expectations of her changing. I'm focusing on me!
I'm so glad I finally bit the bullet and posted on here. Yesterday and today have been significantly better (obviously today is just getting going, but still).
If there are any lurkers out there that are afraid to post, just do it! Not only for the advice, but you can look back at what you've posted and it helps paint a picture of what's going on when your head may be a little cloudy.
M30 W30 Married: 1 year Together: 4 years No kids 3 Dogs
For now, try to take care of yourself by getting as much rest as you can, eating right, etc. And, keep up the GAL!
Take care.
Bob
Hello!
I wanted to inform you that I remembered to dedicate a prayer just for you and your sitch last night.
I wish you all the best!
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
