I have to fix me. I still haven't learned enough lessons in life. I'm going to do my best to detach from W, have started somewhat, backslid a little today. But I'm not going to give up all hope. I am to fixated on the intimacy in a relationship, and until I battle that demon, I'm never going to get anywhere. I need to face facts, I flirted, I tried to pick up, and I was not happy at home with what I was getting.
That doesn't mean I'm all bad, or that I am too worse off to change. It means that I need to really switch over to me right now. Keep looking in the mirror until I'm happy one day. I'm overweight, out of shape, have a bad back, depression issues, abandonment issues, sexual issues, anger issues, anxiety issues, and the list could go on. I am focusing on the sexual issues right now, then I can pick something else to work on. Of course while doing that I need to lose weight and get in shape. My problem is I feel like a failure, not only to my family, but to myself. If I me that attitude, I'm only going to lose my mind, and end up somewhere. I might be a failure today, but it doesn't mean I am one tomorrow or the day after.
