STBX's BF broke up with her a couple of days ago. It came as absolutely no surprise to me. They'd already broken up once or twice (only been together since January). He has 3 kids, she still has not done any work on herself since BD, as far as I know. Only thing I'm aware of is that she has taken new meds for her mental health issues, mainly depression. I just didn't see it working out, but I was indifferent to whether it did or not. I kept my mouth shut.
Well somehow, STBX was shocked by the break-up, which is apparently "final" this time, even with them already breaking up in their short time together. Whatever, I guess hindsight will be 20/20 for her like it is with the LBS's (including me) here. Now I think their break-up and the entirety of the last 11 months, as well as her mental problems, seem to be crashing down on her. She is an absolute train wreck. Taking extra doses of sleeping pills, forgetting meds that have kept her somewhat balanced, etc.
On top of that, she has literally no one here to help her, to really help her. All of her best friends moved away at some point 1-4 years ago. 100% of her family is out of town. Closest is 3 hrs away. Her cousin, and lifelong best friend, lives 5 hours away. The best friend she's had for the last year or so just got engaged and is about to move to NYC, so they aren't as close anymore. That leaves me. And I soooo want her to feel better. Not just about this break-up, but in general. But I can't be her shoulder to cry on, her mentor, etc, all of the time. I just don't know if I can be that for her right now. But I have been the last 2 days. I've came over to her apt for an hour or so the last two evenings, because she was just starving for some kind of human interaction (although both times I came over with the impression I was simply dropping off or picking up the dog). She didn't go to work. And today I met her at a house that she's thinking of renting. It was to help her evaluate the house but I think the main thing was for her to have me there with her.
She's of course mentioning suicidal thoughts (not overtly making the threat). Today I think she was still messed up from the pills she took the night before. She was kind of slurring her words and was not nearly as sharp as she normally is. It really hurt me to see her like that.
So here are my issues:
- D2. STBX is scheduled to get her in a day or two, but if she's in any condition close to this, I don't think she should have her. She would hopefully agree with me. She's normally reasonable about D2 when she takes additional meds, usually telling me beforehand so I can pick her up, regardless of D2 schedule
- I'm trying to get her to call her IC, which she hasn't seen in months, to my knowledge
- I've reminded her to call the pharmacy to get a critical med refilled
- She says she's texted with two of her out-of-town friends. Should I call one of them? I know that a lot of the extremity is just from the rawness of the breakup and will hopefully wear off. I was thinking of calling her cousin to make sure she understands exactly what state STBX is in.
I'm mainly venting here because I'm not talking to my family about this. But any wise thoughts or questions out there? I don't want to send the wrong message to her by being "too close", but if I need to I'll help her get over this hump.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
