gan 6 - return to human be-ing

[gan]

V, I can check off 1 thru 9...and yet the dynamic still played out. And that's why it bothers me so.

In fact, through much of my reading I actually can't relate to the low-desire partners position. I enjoy (and miss) sex and physical touch is up there as one of my LLs (though non-sexual contact was probably > than sexual contact). Knowing that this was an issue in our R I have tried to confront myself and grow in this particular area - talked to my IC, read books (SSM, Schnarch stuff, Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel - who supports your point on anticipation BTW). Heck, I even purposely went to the red light district and saw a couples live sex peep show when I was in Amsterdam just to challenge my views on sex. I remember thinking no big deal, done that. I will say that I probably relied too much on H making me feel sexy rather than taking this on my self - something which I have also been trying to address in his absence (a la #2 on your list above).

In the end H didn't initiate, it was all me...yet in our R I was still the lowER desire spouse. I suspect he didn't initiate because over time it wasn't worth him risking the rejection. So all I could do was initiate...which fulfilled the prophecy that I controlled sex. Downward spiral.