I know there are no guarantees but.....

[Vanilla]

I composed the reply of all replies, but I lost in on the internet somewhere. Then Sandi answered so eloquently.

Really all I can tell you is that WW is lost to herself and please detach from her behaviour as it will help you so much stop the roller coaster.

Detaching is the key, the peace you see on Dawns thread is detachment in action. Her journey is remarkable and there has been so much pain. Detaching means letting go of the outcome. Whilst WW is in this cheese less tunnel and the next one and possibly the one after that, there is little you can do but observe.

please don't follow WW up and down that tunnel, nor put a big net over the entrance, all you will get is a tired angry WW who will behave as if she were a vicious trapped wild thing. She feels free but she isn't. Wherever she goes she takes her issues with her and after many cheese less tunnels that may occur to her.

Some WS become the walking dead looking for cheese and fresh flesh, others become wild angry cheese hunters and others just lie down and sleep hungry in the tunnel for a long time. My own STBX is the angry type and is off down the longest darkest tunnel ever.

Your xWW has gone with a digger to make her tunnel bigger, there is no cheese behind all that sand and if she digs too much the tunnel will cave on her and she will have no choice but to dig to the light.

If you want to DB then this is the right place to get the help, I certainly won't be retiring from the board when I D, and neither has Dawn. Firstly, so much time and love has been given to me here to help me reach this point that I can now pay forward. Secondly I do not want to, my personal growth is linked to DB and it has much to offer me.

I am leaving the road home paved and lit but first H has to find his way out of that tunnel. When he does I stand like the lighthouse beaming in the dark. I am going to need all the help and support I can whatever happens.

I recommend that you Google Tracy McMillan and her TED talk on "the person you should marry". For ease here is the U tube reference, you will need to paste and add http in front. There were some Ted talks that I used to help me detach and I played this one over and over. I can't remember who recommended it, but I will always be grateful.

//youtu.be/P3fIZuW9P_M


It helped me understand the issues a little more thoroughly.

V