Can it be another round?

[BrightFuture]

So, I read about depression in men.

Here are a couple of things that are so true and fit H.

Men in depression “feel hopeless, helpless, or overwhelmed by despair", "tend to deny it or cover it up by drinking too much, behaving recklessly, or exploding with anger. “

And another one: “physical symptoms that often accompany depression, such as back pain, headaches, difficulty sleeping, or sexual problems.”

I think this started a couple of years before the BD. Does it mean that H’s been in this depressive state for a least 5 years by now? Ouch.

So, I had this feeling yesterday that it is time for H to contact me for whatever reason. And, today, I was driving home from work, thinking about some things from the past, then thinking about H’s recent “adventures”, and then about how I don’t want to be in R with him right now or maybe ever. Because I don’t want to feel the same again. Feel like he’s been always hiding something from me, or not telling me the truth, and how I was jealous of his secret contacts with his former or new women-friends, and the male friends as a matter of fact. It is like H was leaving me out of his “other” life. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I thought that I really should put an end to this sitch.

So, when I got home, my phone beeped with a text message. It was H asking me in a very polite manner if I’m planning to go to the vacation home next weekend, because he has a friend who wants to use it. He asked me to “please” let him know.

I replied back telling him that I’m not planning on going next weekend, but I’m going for a Memorial Day weekend. I put a smiley face at the end to indicate how happy I am about it.

He responded with thanks and asking me if my son is going too. Then he tells me that he has “buggy worked on!” (his sand rail over there)

I replied that I’m not sure if my son is going, and it could be decided at the last moment. And that I will let my son know about the buggy, so maybe it will inspire him to go. And I put a bigger smiley face at the end, LOL. Crickets after that...

So, here we go… He is getting his buggy ready. I guess he regained his interest in it. He was so excited when got it 2 ½ years ago, then he lost all interest. And now it is back in the picture. I wonder if he is planning to ride it with this crazy woman, hehe.

Or, he told me this with the thoughts of my son, who likes to drive it...

I’m so confused. If he is in Replay, which I thought started 3 years ago, then he is a lot nicer this time. Addressing me by name, asking about me using the condo, giving me some “extra” information.

Ok, got to go back to read more about depression…