Instead for us co-dependent types it can be hard to give up on the idea that "they need us" and just don't know it. We meet our emotional needs by them needing us, that's how we feel important, valuable, or whatever. So sometimes detaching is hard because even when they're treating us poorly we're still dependent on them for their dependence on us. And even when they insist they don't want our love anymore we believe they need us to wait for them, for the fairy tale ending.
Dude, this is so true. I haven't admitted to myself in those terms before. It gives me new focus. highlights what I need to detach (this layer). I suspect this is tied into my current tailspin. why I am back to talking about W so much.
"Running around that same old hole" - I told you I wasn't just "deciding" to detach, and rather than medicating I have been living with this agony. Trying to find where it coming from. HUH - to all those who always advise me to cut bait. What good can come of this ....."self torture". Moments like this - thats what!
We'll see - but i felt better immediately when I read this. A door has opened .... I love you man.
Your 1st para there at Bob's "intimacy etc was gone at BD". Yes it was. I maintained this co-dependency in the M by working so hard around the house. Being a great, hands-on Dad. Being considerate in the sense of flowers and gifts. BUT the R was screwed. This co-dependency is I think largely what I miss. And I fabricated that. I was getting nothing from her, except that I felt an integral part of IT.
I thought I had more to comment on, but will have to review what I wrote in light of this new +ve light that appeared on re-reading the paragraph.
M: 6 T: 12 Kids: 2,4 BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015 EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
