Seven years ago I told my H I loved him on this holiday. It's making me feel so sad, because I see this shining playful memory of us being goofy and so excited over each other. I wonder if those memories will ever find a place next to the more recent ones.
More and more I want to close this chapter even if it means me reaching out to him and prodding him to sign. How could I ever trust him? In the interest of not lying to myself anymore, there is a bit of me hoping he's paused - not out of laziness, control, or whatever else - bc he isn't sure. And that if I hang back he may for the first time in our R take the initiative to say he wants to address himself and be here. Silly girl I am. And H would return with the tools to no longer resort to verbal/emotional abuse and intimidation. I'd no longer feel like I wasn't enough for him and we'd live happily ever after.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
