When my dad left my mom, he went on to make, literally, millions of dollars. He and his OW have enjoyed all that life has to offer in terms of the physical stuff. My mom ended up suffering through another terrible marriage.
I know that my situation has touched on some of these feelings of rage. How unfair life can be.
I think I am a person who really struggles when things just don't measure up in terms of justice. I see my daughters show the same quality.
Heather, you posted this on bea's thread. Of course, when I read it... I think I saw something. It was two days ago... it was a brilliant thought, but I was tired and going to post later. Well... my brilliance last all of... seconds. I can't remember exactly, but I will try my best. Try to follow along, as my brain is like an old Monte Carlo which has a hard time starting... and when it does... the parking break is always stuck. And its covered in fuzz.
Well, now that we've gotten that out of the way...
A LOT, and I mean, a lot of that stuff is affecting you still today. Maybe I'm wrong... there's a good chance. But, I see the words you you to describe your dad and how he went off and THEN made the moola. It was bad enough to leave you guys, but then to leave you and live the "good life." And leave you struggling!
I think you felt a sort of... hmmm... well... like you were gypped! Like he was your dad and he owed that to you. And... yeah, you're right. But... he doesn't see it that way... that's my guess.
And that translates into the money thing with Matt. Yes.. he owes you cp $.
But... you can't count on these guys. Do what you gotta do. But, don't expect $hit from anyone.
Honestly, Heather, that's what helped me the most. In fact, xh does not hold up to all that he owes me. And the way I got screwed over with house... we are talking tens of thousands...
He is supposed to pay for xyz. And college for s18- right around the corner- I don't expect a penny. I need to get s18 a car- I am doing it on my own- with s18. I am looking into ways to save, make more money... yadda.
I guess my point is, it was so helpful for me to cut my losses. I know we have to protect ourselves and fight for what's right. Honestly, the mlc thing... is just a horse of a different color. You aren't dealing with reasonable people who care or have the capacity to acknowledge what's right. So, I chalked it up as... this is the situation I'm in. What do I have to do to get by? How am I going to survive and take care of my kids?
And look.... I didn't get crap from my dad growing up. He had an awesome job when I was little. Alcohol stole his soul for awhile. He lost his job bc of it. And... he was given a choice- get help or get out. He chose the latter. And he had three kids. He didn't work for years. He was on his own. And at that point... my mom was too as far as raising us. He got by like bar tending here and there. But he probably drank more than he made. My mom worked a million jobs. Like.... a million. More than humanly possible. But she did.
Maybe that's why I don't have expectations from xh. My mom was a workhorse. That's how she was raised. She didn't expect things from my dad. At least that I know of. And I didn't expect things from him either.
I've been at a point where we lost lots of things bc of my dad. But, she always kept it together. Things were crazy... but normal. She balanced us- by doing whatever she needed to do. Maybe that's why I just cut it- didn't care. I knew I could have spent this year in court arguing this and that and getting lots more $$$. But my first thought was that it would take away from the kids. Even his $ (now I know THAT wouldn't have mattered- just taken from his other kid). But I knew that I didn't want to spend s18's last year stressed the heck out. I'd rather get it over with and pick up the pieces and deal with it. Happiness and peace. So worth every damn dollar.
OK, I don't mean to ramble. I don't mean to hijack. I hope this makes sense! Honey, I just want you to be happy. I know you struggle. I know you've been given some tough stuff. I know you are so alone and feel like the world is against you. But don't put yourself against you! Fight for you by letting them go. Look at you and d12. Look at your surroundings. That's what you have. You can count on YOU! I know it's tough. I'm sorry you are doing it alone. But you do have people rooting for you. In your corner! You can do this. I have no doubt. If anyone can... c'mon.... you know where I'm going with this!
Oh! And... btw... writing this post actually gave me a lot of insight into my own sitch! Things I hadn't entirely thought about before! Wow! Sorry I had to ramble on yours....
