Lost & confused

[Clairee]

Keeping busy is the only thing that keeps me sane. Sounds like you on the go go go too. It helps for sure. I get you on the jaw dropping. I read the email at least 3 times because it was unexpected & so real. H has never said anything even close to this before. He has a lot of work to do on himself before I'm really ready to move too far ahead. Right now, I stay busy & when we talk I keep it very light & cheerful. He's struggling so I try to validate where I can & offer positive reinforcements. Making sure I thank him when he does or says something, letting him know I see his efforts & appreciate his willingness to work on things, but at the same time keeping some distance to not get pulled back only to have him quit.

I will see him in 9 days. I'm nervous as all get out about it. So I'm trying to do things to keep my mind off it. It'll be 10 weeks since I've seen him & 5 weeks since the BD.

Good to hear you're doing well & staying busy too. It really does help. Hopefully things will continue on the positive path for you. I believe God has a plan for ech of us & reveals it as we need to know. Staying focused on my own healing keeps me grounded & moving forward. Whether my H changes or not, I know I will come out of this dark place as a better person & understanding myself better. I pray H is sincere & fully committed to the changes he needs, not for me or our M but for himself. I know he's a good person & somewhere inside him is the man he is suppose to be & I believe wants to be. He just has to find it. I can't do it for him.

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