-W serves me D papers "I know this was really difficult for you. I will look this over later."
A real man and father would cry in this situation. You don't have to be stoic here or brave for her. Her handing you divorce papers and asking to you accept them and waive process at a dinner date she invited you to with the kids (saying "my treat") is an incredibly hurtful thing to throw on someone. They can be mailed to you or emailed with a note telling you what it is but doing that face to face is over the top and designed to SEE if you react. I actually think your proposed action above would be what she expects. She doesn't see you as caring at all and saying that only confirm it.
Instead...I think you should let your emotions show a little more honestly. Don't break down but being overcome a moment with emotion and obviously fighting back a tear would be how an emotionally invested healthy man/father/husband would react. You MAY excuse yourself to the bathroom so as to communicate clearly that you are devastated to her but leaving the kids to enjoy their evening out with their parents.
Don't cry, beg or plead for her to change her mind or anything like that. You aren't TRYING to make her feel guilty but getting handed divorce papers is a monumental moment in one's life and she doesn't control your emotions anymore. You don't have to hold it in for her. If she feels bad...that's on her.
I THINK you'd have to sign so even if you take the papers...refuse to sign the waiver saying "I refuse to be a complicit participant in the destruction of our family". If you want my cooperation, give the kids and I 6 months to see if we feel any differently. I see no reason to rush this. I can't imagine a world where there is no {your first name and her first name].
Remember - NO EXPECTATIONS
*you probably won't talk about any of this stuff and just have a nice evening with the kids. It doesn't have to be heavy but getting her to delay the divorce and save that retainer money sooner than later is something you can't conflict avoid yourself out of discussing...however briefly.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
