Wayward Wife and the Way of LRT Pt. 2

[Defacto]

I accepted my W's invitation for dinner. I plan to be upbeat, confident, and friendly.

However, I do have a question. Do you think W is using this as a way to serve me D papers or something? It is suspiciously close to her meeting with L yesterday.

Word of caution though...she could just be getting her needs met and her guilt relieved by rebuilding this "friendship" and partnership with you....for the kids and still have no true feelings yet of recovering with you. I've seen these situations go either way where couples like this dive into reconciliation or you get served the next day. Doesn't mean you can't still work for the goal and that that goal isn't achievable...but she IS still in contact with OM and you don't know the extent of that contact. They could be ending it peacefully and just checking in with each other mistakenly thinking they can remain friends. OM's are usually told stories about how awful the husband is so he's concerned she is safe and well. OR....they are arranging secret rendezvous and plotting their moves carefully as OM positions himself financially to divorce his wife to be with yours and your wife keeps working the quick friendly divorce angle. Point is...no expectations. Even if she throws herself at you and SAYS all the right things....until there is "NO CONTACT" you haven't achieved anything.

Any talk of reconciliation you do have with her needs to begin and end with:

"The first step and move in on you because until you get out of that hospital we really can't 'try' to recover"

"I'm perfectly wiling to try once I know you aren't seeing him at work anymore"

"I'm fine with delaying the divorce while we figure out our feelings and you try to find a new job but I'm not really willing to put my heart on the chopping block again as long as you are still working with and talking to OM"

"Imagine {x) years ago back when you still loved me and I was working at xyz company...If I had told you I had an affair with [insert name of employee you worked with] do you think you'd have been comfortable with me continuing to work with and see her everyday at work? Though I wish you'd just quit the job and come home now I understand this is a process and I'm willing to table the divorce AND seriously trying to reconcile until you get out of that hospital."

*this is crafty...you are telling her that YOU are willing to wait on the divorce...plus your indicating you want to delay the divorce AND serious reconciliation efforts but that doesn't preclude hanging out together and just having fun while your confident and fun to be around (which IS reconciliation without her even knowing it's happen because when you hang out with someone and spend a lot of time with them you can't help feeling connected to them and "in love".

*Still think the scary divorce attorney you interviewed that wants to depose OM is a good tactical story to tell. If she goes the divorce route she and OM are certainly going to have to tell the entire story of the affair under oath in a deposition at some point. You are entitled to the truth about your life.

*If things get ugly and she wants to lie that she hasn't spoken to OM at all you could say that OM's wife called you and told you that OM was calling her last week from that work number you discovered. They will crap their pants that you know this, that OM's wife is communicating with you supposedly (and snooping thoroughly on her husband which they won't speak of) and you MAY get a good indication of what's going on by her reaction. If she's REALLY ugly and defensive the affair continues on the worse side of the spectrum...if she's not that mad and comes clean about the conversation after getting caught lying maybe (MAYBE...can't believe what you hear) it's the truth that it's ending.

I hope it's over. OM's usually dump their paramours once exposed because they have too much to answer for at home with their wife and family to bother carrying on a dangerous workplace affair that was never intended to be more than that..

GB, well written, sir! Thanks so much. I can always count on you for a timely response.

Not that I could pretend to know or understand W's thoughts right now, but I think this is an act of guilt relief on her part. Especially when combined with her tearful conversation yesterday. Either way, I will hold steady.

In regards to "being" upbeat instead of "acting" upbeat around W, it is fairly easy because I do enjoy her company and I know I have nothing to be ashamed of.

Here are a couple of responses I've put together so far...
-W wants to talk about D.
"I think it's best for the kids to not do that here. Let's just have some fun tonight."
-W wants to talk about bills/finances/etc
"Thanks so much for all your hard work on splitting up the bills. Let me know what you need from me."
-W serves me D papers
"I know this was really difficult for you. I will look this over later."
-W wants to talk about MR, say "it happened so fast," or apologize
"I agree it all happened so fast. It seemed just like yesterday we were talking about our future together."
And, if appropriate,"maybe we can take a break from D stuff for now and just spend one last summer together for the kids."

I really want this to be a friendly and fun encounter, free from confrontation, if possible. All of our recent exchanges have been going well, so we'll see.