"sometimes its so hard because i dont want to do or say the wrong thing."

It's called ANALYSIS PARALYSIS.You can get over it.

"I need to stop worrying about whether or not its going to my W mad. I do need to just worry about what i want"

EXACTLY! BUT also continue to change for the better.

M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER