Trying to Follow DB & DR (3)

[claire7]

Miman,

I haven't followed your situation, but I hope you'll allow me to share a few thoughts. Something I've really liked about the members of this forum is that they are not just 'yes' men and women. Mr Bond, in particular, has been pretty tough on me. And, sure, sometimes it stings a little to have your flaws pointed out. But if you allow yourself to be open to it, (and perhaps even question why you are getting so bent out of shape), it's really life-changing.

The mantra I've been trying to live by is to "be someone only a fool would leave". Reread your comments:

I didn't seem to get the point across so I put it in terms anyone could understand.

I would say "sorry if that upsets you" but I really don't care if it does or not.

Do you think you have any communication or conflict resolution skills to work on? Folks here (me included) don't pussy foot around. We'll tell it to you honestly. But if you're open to it, and can put pride aside, this is an amazing community.
Hang in there.

[MrBond]

IMHO it seems you're still a bit passive aggressive too. If you want to keep the cats because you love them, then do it. No need for the snarky attitude. Doesn't reflect well on you.

[Drew]

I didn't seem to get the point across so I put it in terms anyone could understand.

I would say "sorry if that upsets you" but I really don't care if it does or not.

Anyone's free to form their opinions.
I'm free to ignore ignorant opinions.

I was merely trying to clarify my statements to help alleviate any ignorance.

Wow.

If this is the way you communicated with your spouse ...........

[Miman2]

Don't worry it's especially for MrBond.

If you look back I've been polite and cordial to everyone else, even MrBond in the beginning.

It seems to be the way he likes to communicate, he's simply getting back what he's giving.

Everyone else gets to "tell it like it is" why can't I?

[zew]

Minman, a problem has been identified.

Take up the challenge or ignore it, that's up to you.

If I know Bond, he'll back off for a few days, then try again. He is persistent, to say the least. And he is not your enemy.

It seems to be the way he likes to communicate, he's simply getting back what he's giving.

When you can communicate with even Bond without it devolving to this, you will be much, much better off.

You're the smart guy, right?

he's simply getting back what he's giving.

Tell me what interpersonal relationship ever got better with this score keeping attitude?

[MrBond]

"It seems to be the way he likes to communicate, he's simply getting back what he's giving."

Go back through the posts, in no place have I criticized you. I point out your "behavior" which you don't seem to like and even the most innocent answer from me gets a bad response from you.

"Everyone else gets to "tell it like it is" why can't I?"

There's nothing wrong with "telling it like it is". The problem is that you defend points that don't make sense and actually come back attacking. Makes you come across as an @$$hole.

Bottom line is that I've seen many people with your attitude on the boards who didn't save their M because they didn't want to take that hard look at themselves. Nothing wrong with that. That's your choice. But you also have the choice to learn from me and others who have actually saved our M's and apply it to yourself.

Have you ever noticed that every time you make an attacking comment, everyone else seems to point it out to you but you don't seem to want to listen. Like was observed before by the other posters, I wonder if this is the way you talked to your W even if you didn't realize it because you sure are coming across like an @$$ and you don't seem to know it.

Would you rather be "right"? Or would you rather be "married"?

[Miman2]

Go back through the posts, in no place have I criticized you. I point out your "behavior" which you don't seem to like and even the most innocent answer from me gets a bad response from you.

Oh I have, I was respectful the first couple of times you started into it. This is just a light sampling.

No you're just not reading them correctly.
You said you read the books, but you don't sound like it.
You don't seem to want to do the work to...make you happy.
Have you learned anything from this?
Are you actually reading what I wrote?
Really? I didn't know you could predict the future.
If you have that many questions on what ...she comes over.
Things like this was absolutely childish.
nice adding that in BTW
Ummm do you see what you just did there?
I can now see that maybe you debated her...nted her to do.
Funny how you never mentioned it till now.
Your current condescending response to me doesn't seem to show that.

Have you ever noticed that every time you make an attacking comment, everyone else seems to point it out to you

Yup!

Have you noticed that it occurs after you've commented in a condescending/disrespectful way?
Have you noticed that it occurs when I emulate the "straight shooting" behavior of a vet that has saved his marriage?

You are not my wife, I have no marriage to you to save.

Are you suggesting that I have to treat every single person in my life like I would my W?

Have you noticed that when other people comment, we don't go on these little tangents about someone hurting their feelings?

[Vanilla]

MMn

Can I suggest that you have a call out to Mza (mozza).

He had a similar discussion with Wonka, if you read his thread then you will see something in his reaction that you can not see in your own reaction to MrB.

There is much to know, learn and grow from this exchange with MrB. Mza grew enormously through his interactions with the incredible Wonka. I too learned a great deal from the early interactions I had with wise MrB.

You are blessed with the help you are getting here.

V

[MrBond]

"Have you noticed that it occurs after you've commented in a condescending/disrespectful way?"

You mean like ... "How so? It sounds like the two of you are equal based on what you just described." And you responded with a snarky comment? Don't see how that's condescending. That's just one example of many from you.

"Have you noticed that it occurs when I emulate the "straight shooting" behavior of a vet that has saved his marriage?"

Yes. And while imitation is the highest form of flattery, it's not doing you any good.

"You are not my wife, I have no marriage to you to save. "

True, all of this is for your M. Right now you're not connecting the dots.

"Are you suggesting that I have to treat every single person in my life like I would my W?"

No. I, as well as the other posters to you have asked you that. But for some reason you want to pinpoint on just my asking. And BTW, you still haven't answered us which would lead us to believe that the answer is 'yes'.

"Have you noticed that when other people comment, we don't go on these little tangents about someone hurting their feelings?"

Not really. People only respond negatively when a nerve is struck. If you actually read through your posts and responses through the eyes of someone who is just reading from the outside, you do seem pretty defensive. Take it for what it's worth.

[zew]

Are you suggesting that I have to treat every single person in my life like I would my W?

You're getting warmer...

And please don't say you just do this to Bond.
How you treat anyone and everyone is a reflection of who you are. You cannot successfully filter that on a person by person basis -- it will leak out when you least expect it. This appears to be a blind spot for you.

And the list of links is exactly the stuff you should be putting in check. Last week's "click to reveal" buttons were way over the top. You're so engaged in trying to rub his nose in minor details that you're totally missing the point at hand.

Life is so much easier when you start from a position of humility. Great freedom comes from the realization that you do not have to have every answer, and you do not need to retort.

You have a lot of people here trying to help.