TLEE86 Part IV

[TLEE86]

I cant express how thankful I am to you guys- but thank you for your support.

She didnt leave Saturday. She just left. An hour ago. Its so painful and feels like BD all over again, down to my dog sitting and waiting by the front door for her to come home.

It was so sad when she left. Everyone (me and her) was crying and hugging each other. She just kept saying that she wasn't ready to come here, and that so much has changed- she's angry, frustrated, mad, sad, upset, everything. She keeps saying she doesnt know what to do or what she is going to do.

She's got a long drive back but I cant seem to pick up the pieces right now. Its sad when you start crying your eyes out but you stop because you realize no one can hear you, so whats the point.

I feel completely lost right now, that for a fleeting second she was back in the house again. But you all said it before she came home, that she wasn't ready, its too soon. Well, you were all right- I think I knew it deep down, but thought that once she got here, we would power through it. I guess that didnt happen.

I really don't know what to do now. Ive been advised to possibly go dark or to continue to be friendly with her if she wants that. Quite honestly? I don't think either one makes a difference because in the end, its up to them to figure this out. As long as Im not an [censored], i don't think it matters how i act.

She will continue to avoid problems and think about them for a short period of time before she gets tired of them and idk. Who knows what she will do or think about.

Im just trying to scrape myself off the floor. I wish I had a good friend in this area but I don't. Ive only been here 4 months. I am just so lonely again. I wish this would all just go away.