This is great. Maybell. . I too am working on figuring out some boundaries for myself (emotional boundaries, really) with my parents. I can relate, for sure. My mom is like the ultimate martyr. She'll do nice things but mostly for the recognition and praise she expects out of it. She had a tough childhood and was pretty neglected, emotionally. I am much more compassionate and patient with her when I remind myself of that... she doesn't have the emotional maturity to deal with things differently. I try (emphasis on try) to accept her for who she is, and be the kind of person I want to be...and the kind of mom I want her to be. But that's all I can control.
As for your parents visit... I know it's not ideal, but maybe missing a day for a rare visit with grandma is ok, especially at this point in the school year? Maybe they can spend time with the kids while you are at work? See if you can allow yourself to be flexible, even though they are not giving you what you'd like. Maybe you can "meet them where they are", emotionally-speaking...
It may help YOU the most, and that is who I am most concerned with!
