Yes, our stories sound very similar. I was still receiving affection-kisses, hugs, I love you up until we had our blow out on March 13. I could tell our relationship was getting worse and he was pulling further away. Out of fear and hurt, I said that I think we should get divorced and I hated living in our house with him. I think I wanted to be the first to say it, but also I did not really mean it. I wanted a divorce from the state of our marriage, not my H.
Sex and intimacy has been off for a many years, but there was still some engagement, companionship, friendship, moments of tenderness and support all throughout our M. I had no idea that H was so unhappy and having A. He said he would cry on drive up to school and home. Never told me any of this. I said that I would have expected some sort of ultimatum or communication that he needed our M to change or he would have to leave. Said it was not right for him to say something like that to me?? How I am I to know then how bad it was for him? I was in pretty bad depression/state most of last year due to ending an 11 year relationship with my career due to merger. One of the worst years of my M. I can honestly tell you I remember very little of last year. H said he made effort to try and rekindle last year, but I don't think I would have ever have seen it in my state. Given all that I have supported him through with school for over 12 years and considering the year I had last year, I am extremely hurt and feel used that he is considering not trying to really attempt fix our M. We honestly have never tried, so I am do fearful of regret for both of us. we have never given a fair chance to flourish. If he was willing last year, why not now. It was not that long ago. It keeps coming back to my saying D word. Plus, he has A which probably makes he feel what he could have outside of me, even if it is not reality.
What is interesting is that my H was having A since October, but all he is focusing on is that I said that I want D. Blames me for A and talks so negatively about M. Does not believe me when I tell him that D is not what I want and that it came out from a place of hurt and fear.
That being said, GAL and working on me makes me realize what a fool he would be to walk away. All of our issues are totally fixable. He also would not be where he is without having meet and married me. He would have never have gotten PhD. For that I get nothing and that makes me so angry.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
