WAW Filed for Divorce Next Day Pt. 3 (Bob)

[Pyrite]

Thanks for reply Cadet. Well I did think this is what it was about. One way of achieving this mentioned in other "divorce" manuals is when things get rough, depressing that all you wan tis the S back, you can remoind yourself of the thing about then that were less than perfect. putting it into perspective that maybe you can take them down off the pedestal.

Then it was hammered into me that I wasn't allowed to have these thoughts. After reading DR I dont see this to be the advice anywhere. And yet it still seems to be the the position here. Grsnted, I can see why people take that position. Given the common reaction of the LBS and all the mainstream advice.
Maybe it is a bit overboard thats all.

Being repeatedly told that I dont get it, when I thought I did, only causes me to think it must be something more complicated. Yeah I was venting a lot about S when I joined, but that was almost entirely just that VENTING.

If DBing is not necessarily about BustingDivorce, but rather doing what is the best way forward regardless of the outcome, then I dont understand why any person would choose otherwise. BUT, it takes all kinds I guess.

In my sitch I haven't had an inch of movement since BD, well I have - in the wrong direction. Now she is pushing hard towards financial settlement. Here, we have to wait 12months after Sep before filing. Settlements can happen anytime, and will only expedite D if they are already done within the 12 months. For me, these settlements ARE the M. The D is just a piece of paper, as was the M.

I honestly can't see it happening for a long time that she even thinks of me, or regrets ending the M. I think it might in 3-5 years when he has secured his residency and moves on. But two things: 1. This won't make me more attractive to her. 2. I will most likely have moved on to another R by then. In short, I dont feel that reconciliation is possibly going to happen. The M is over. Doing for me then is just a healthy come down. If she does turn around, awesome, I think. But i'm afraid the affair might even be a deal breaker. At the start it wasn't, ut now it is too serious for me ignore as a fling.

Sad thing is I am sure it is a scam on his part. I met him, and spoke to n=him before this was an A. My W was a soft target. She could've painted a bullseye on her forehead even.

Am i way off base now?