Tulo, I'm beating this one post I wrote to death, but please check out the post I made on Bob's thread a day or two ago. It talked a bit about what it took to detach, and what it took before a M could be saved. Let me know when you've read it and how you think it applies. I'll add more comments later. Thanks, and please know you're being carried by DB good will.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Quick question, I just realised that the book I've got wasn't the same as I had last. This is a book called The Divorce Remedy. Did I get the wrong one?
Think my previous was Divorce Busting but didn't see that when I ordered..
M: 44 H: 43 ILYBNILWY: 7/4-15 Decided to try to reconnect. "This doesn't work, I have no feelings": 20/4-15 Scheduled "talk" :9/5-15 It's over: 9/5
DR and DB are the two books this site is based on. There is a ton of overlap, however they are both reading. Most people generally recommend DR first these days as it may be better suited for the state of most of these M's and is more up to date.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
Ok, I'm glad then.. Been waiting for what seems forever to get it and will spend my day reading it and trying to breath some hope into my today, very heavy heart.
I think your post to Bob was great, Zeus! And when I read it I know that you are so right. I need to find things that give me what I need with our without him..
It just seems like it's gone so fast, this change in him. From loving to not in love with you any more within like a month.
All he's said is just spinning around in my head, like a record with no end, and since he's a pretty calm and firm person I'm so scared that he has made up his mind and just won't go back or even register feelings that he misses me.
He's been so loving to me all along, and to see this change is so hard an feels (today) so definite that it's hard to focus on positive thoughts. Hope the books help somewhat.
Know that your words do, Zeus! THANKS!!
Big hug from me to you!
M: 44 H: 43 ILYBNILWY: 7/4-15 Decided to try to reconnect. "This doesn't work, I have no feelings": 20/4-15 Scheduled "talk" :9/5-15 It's over: 9/5
Ok, so meltdown in progress.. Seeing his green dot on FB chat bopping in and out is driving me MENTAL! Feel certain of contact with OW even though he had said otherwise.
Wanting to call him now, see how he is, how he sounds, and every minute is a challenge.
Don't think I can do this. :'(
M: 44 H: 43 ILYBNILWY: 7/4-15 Decided to try to reconnect. "This doesn't work, I have no feelings": 20/4-15 Scheduled "talk" :9/5-15 It's over: 9/5
So what else has happened in you day me sweet little candy Tulo. It's about 8.30 pm here in NZ on Monday evening. So I assume it it is Sunday still for you? How is the training going?
It's Tuesday and it's 10.38 here AM (I think, we don't use that here but it hasn't been midday here yet so morning-ish). Think PM is evening right?
So today I've just been lying in bed and reading the book that finally arrived. Training last night went well, so I was very happy about that. But dead silent from him, and I feel like I can't take it any more. Want to call him to see if we are to get together this week as we spoke about.
His text yesterday, went from being a small step forward, to a giant step back in my head because he says nothing of us, or anything like that.
I'm at a loss, so lost, and getting back on track seems so hard. Feels like I'm just prolonging my agony and panic is riding me pretty hard at the moment. So silly, really. I am a grown woman, making myself so small..
M: 44 H: 43 ILYBNILWY: 7/4-15 Decided to try to reconnect. "This doesn't work, I have no feelings": 20/4-15 Scheduled "talk" :9/5-15 It's over: 9/5
Lol I don't know why I wrote Monday, it is definitely Tuesday here too, 8.45 pm. God such a busy day my end.
Yip I hate that desire to make contact, but I always regretted it after. It makes them so defensive, it feels like control to them, and you trying to make him feel things he doesn't want to. He will only resent you. Let him be in his man cave. He needs this time.
There is no rush, that is your mind trying to solve a problem, that it has no hope of solving, breathe dear friend breathe
I think about that being small and thinking small. Looking at myself and my ex and putting it under a microscope. And catch myself in my thoughts and I'm like the world and life is so much bigger than this one thought. Lol when did everything get so small?
Tulo, please calm down, in the first week of me coming back abroad to work, I was 'watching' his movements on track my iphone knowing he was with OW, making my self sick with anxiety.
My anxiety was through the roof, we CANNOT change what they do, we can only change how we respond to it. I was calling him all day, thinking if I contacted him he would realise it was me he wanted, how much I love him etc..... All these things DO NOT WORK. My behaviour may of contributed to his reasons and need to get away from my me :-(
Even now, I am overanalysing his emails, does he care, any regrets etc how long did he take to answer my emails, how did he sign off etc. What we are doing is only prolonging our suffering.
Backing off is the best you can do, please take Zues advice, If you read my prior post, this may of changed the position my H arnd I are in now.
I am giving you this advice even though I know how difficult it is. It does get better. One thing that really helped me was exercising!
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
