Rough night tonight. But I will start with the weekend. Saturday night I went with friends to watch the fight. This is a real 180 for me as I normally don't like going places where I don't know the people there, my 2 friends were the only people I knew. The last year, I am doing this a lot and really enjoying meeting new people. I had a great time.
Sunday morning, I got up and headed to grocery store. I was expecting to be getting S around 1 or 2, as in the past. H texted that they were on their way at 11:30. I was still at the grocery store, so I TM back that I was not home, but would be in about 1/2 hour, and that they could hang at the house if he wanted until I get there. I sent, then looked at it and thought, maybe I should let him know where I was, didn't want it to look like I wasn't home from the night before, or out with someone, I usually am very open about what I am doing. Then, I stopped and remembered all the times my mind swarmed for hours wondering where H was, and I thought, I don't need to tell him anything. Maybe he cares, maybe he doesn't, let's test it out.
He didn't show up at my place for another hour. Definitely with an attitude and would not even look me in the eye at first. Very interesting, maybe he does care?
Had a wonderful Sunday with son relaxing.
So on to tonight. It is H night with S. I offered to pick up S and take him, bonus time for me and H normally can't make it home until close to 6. Was time to go, and S just had a total meltdown. Said he wanted to stay home and that he doesn't like going there. We talked a bit, but he said mainly its because he misses me. I assured him I miss him too, but so does daddy and it's important that he spend time with him. It went on and on, so I TM H that we were having a rough time, told him what was going on and asked if he wanted to try talking to S. So H spoke with him, S told him he doesn't like going there, and H asked to talk to me.
It went ok, but H had to start bringing up that he has S do more chores than I do, assured me he is not criticizing, but he thinks that could be it. I listened and told H that we have different parenting styles, that is common, and that he will need to work this out with S. I also reminded him that S is still adjusting to the back and forth. To try and be patient with him. He again started with the chores, so I gave some reasons for why I don't have him do certain things, which H actually commented on not realizing my reason. One of them being putting my clothes in the dryer, which my MIL so excitedly pointed out that H has S do and I should too. I explained to H that I don't want my S going through my underwear and that it is past time that his mother mind her own business. H insisted he doesn't talk to her about this stuff which is a down and out lie, she loves to fuel the fire.
MIL is obsessed with "studies" and what children "should" be doing, I get lovely emails all the time. She has 3 totally emotionally screwed up children, but hey, they do their own laundry! I wont argue that! But anyway, we both agreed it best to force S to go, otherwise he will keep pulling this.
So it was a horrible 20 minute drive of S sobbing the entire time. We talked, and at one point. I told S how much his dad loves him and how much it means to him to spend time with him. I told S, I bet you totally cheer daddy up, this is all hard for him too and being with S makes him happy. That calmed S down. I also assured him it was fine to feel sad, that it was normal, and that I get sad too.
I have seen many posts on here about the children not liking being with the MLC'er. Seems pretty common? Do the children sense the unstable environment? Is it best to force the visitation on them? I hate that the most innocent have to be stuck in the middle. I wish H would put his focus on the emotional damage he is causing his son instead how well his son will be able to clean up after himself.
