It keeps getting worse. Sunday is always a bad day because that is the day my H spends the night at our cabin with the OW; however, on this Sunday I asked him his plans and he said he was going to fly his plane and do something for him. I said in preparation for going to the Bahamas? and he said yes. So the trip is still on and i got very upset and said it will change everything and he probably needs to move out, tell kids etc.
I had been thinking all day Saturday and while I was alone on Sunday about the whole sex addict thing and how he isn't ready to change or put any effort into us etc. so kind of getting resigned to the fact that if he moved out it would be hard but I could start to heal and some remote possibility that he might miss me and the kids and our life once he wasn't with us and life got real with the OW.
So very sad but a little resigned to a separation. So he came home and said he needed to talk that I pushed him into a corner, but i can tell the kids if I want to --he's not doesn't think they need to know He won't go to Bahamas if I really don't want him to but it won't change anything I had my chance and now he is going to go for it with OW No more sex. it leads me on. I proved my point i can have sex and it upsets OW Get help from a therapist if I need it but he's not going with me
it was frustrating because OW kept texting him and he said he had to deal with it she was having a crisis
So i said I have some thinking to do about next steps and so do you and left for work. Forgot something and came back a few minutes later and as i was pulling in the driveway he called and said i want to ask you something. Walked in the room and he was sitting there with a big erection and asked me if I was really serious about working on everything including our sex life and proceeded to ask if i would do certain things
OK I know it was stupid but we had sex. I asked him what he was doing and why and he said he just wanted to see if i was really serious
Anyway afterwards I went back to work (I'm in sales so I have a lot of flexibility) I got set up to tallk with an IC tonight who also deals with sex addictions. I thought he would be a good starting place to help me since he would be intimately aware of how situations like mine affect both spouses. Then I went home to pick up some things for my son and H was still there so I asked him what the sex was about and why he did it. He said he didn't know and I said it was pretty crummy because nothing has changed and he said everythng haschanged.
So that set my alarm bells off. My first question was does she have an STD. He said no then got really quiet and said he didn't know if he could tell me. But out with it and he said she could never have kids with her husband and she is 41 and he said if she really wanted to he would do it with her. The man is 54, hasn't been that great of a dad, is extremely narcissitic, has 3 kids already on the planet who need him and he has known this woman for 5 months! I freaked and said oh God is she pregnant. No but she was going to get tested to see if it was possiblee, etc and of course it is a big rush because she has a 1 year window. And then he breaks down and says in the course of her exam she had a mammogram because he found a lump and she has breast cancer
Now my first reaction is I don't even believe this but even if it is true ...he feels so sorry for her because he loves her and they aren't about sex and she doesn't have parents and only the husband, and she's all alone. so it sounds like he is going to leave us to care for a woman he barely knows because she has breast cancer. And the whole baby thing might be off now, but his kids don't need him. My twins don't care about him, and they will be in college in 2 years and yes he'll have to help pay for that and my daughter is graduating from college in 2 years so she will be on her own. No thought for how they will feel.....
and i know I sound like a coldhearted B**** but he's suddenly not going to be about sex anymore and become this selfless, compassionate, caring person for OW and when she has to have surgery ? Mr. Visual is going to just be happy and in love?
So I guess this is the 2nd bomb. I am spinning. Good that I saw the therapist tonight. I do feel a little calmer but I feel like this can't be real
