Hello: I went to a celebrate recovery church group Friday night. I was siting among people with life long addictions, bad habits, and behaviors that destroyed their lives and some of their families lives. Many were addicted to drugs and alcohol and a few like me struggled with porn and infidelity. I plan to go weekly for all 8 weeks to try to learn even more about how I can break the cycle. Personal therapy was tough on Friday too. My therapist knows my story and my families story and is now suggesting I file for D as he believes my W is long disconnected from our M. I told him I would not file and he said it may become an issue where it becomes more destructive to me and to my S-9 than do good. I'm going to be very very patient, loving, respectful to my W and do not feel led to do anything different. I'm focused on me, my S and letting her make the decision about her future. When I am weak he makes me strong!
SITCH Years of infidelity by me/H, working on perm change, DEC 2014 ILYBNILWY JAN 2105 OM JAN 2015 W says I plan to move out and file for D April 1, 2015 Dbing April 2015 H-39, W-37, M 18yrs, S-9
Parker, good for you with the group. That sounds like a really worthwhile thing to be doing, and it's good that others are there with similar issues too.
I think you are right about your take on D. Your therapist doesn't get to decide if/when is the right time to file for D - you do. If your W feels that strongly about things, she can always file herself presumably.
Glad to see you are doing this work. I'm sure that, no matter what happens with you and your W, you will be glad to have worked through some of this.
T :-)
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Toots: Thanks! I agree I hurt her and controlled her enough in the past. I feel I owe it to her to let her figure this out and make the decision. I am still focusing on me but yes I still want the M to work. Let this be a lesson for me for this M or a future one this pain I'm feeling with the OM is horrible and no fun at all. One of the many tough lessons I'm learning.
SITCH Years of infidelity by me/H, working on perm change, DEC 2014 ILYBNILWY JAN 2105 OM JAN 2015 W says I plan to move out and file for D April 1, 2015 Dbing April 2015 H-39, W-37, M 18yrs, S-9
Zues: I'm dealing with Anger, hurt/pain, loneliness, anxiety and fear. Before I would have found another woman to run to to fill the void. I also would have been angry and controlling with my W and S to do my anger and fear. I am doing none of that currently. I remain, loyal, loving, respectful, kind to my W and S even though my W is cold and distant and even though I have fear of the unknown and being alone. I am loving my son much as I can which is a lot! Pouring into him and focused on his health and well being instead of things I cannot control. I am also trying to get more connected with married/christian friends and attending events and getting a life with other that are family people with similar ethics and values.
SITCH Years of infidelity by me/H, working on perm change, DEC 2014 ILYBNILWY JAN 2105 OM JAN 2015 W says I plan to move out and file for D April 1, 2015 Dbing April 2015 H-39, W-37, M 18yrs, S-9
SITCH Years of infidelity by me/H, working on perm change, DEC 2014 ILYBNILWY JAN 2105 OM JAN 2015 W says I plan to move out and file for D April 1, 2015 Dbing April 2015 H-39, W-37, M 18yrs, S-9
Last edited by Cadet; 05/05/1501:47 PM. Reason: removed by user request.
SITCH Years of infidelity by me/H, working on perm change, DEC 2014 ILYBNILWY JAN 2105 OM JAN 2015 W says I plan to move out and file for D April 1, 2015 Dbing April 2015 H-39, W-37, M 18yrs, S-9
Parker- I'd recommend editing the reply. Verbatim quotes of this nature can be easily found if she ever decided to google search a unique phrase from her email. It may seem unlikely, but it has happened and can have big consequences.
Cadet- are you around? Thoughts on this?
On another note, I am sorry you're feeling so low. I still remember the email I got. It was just like this, only much longer with more stones thrown.
I know this isn't easy to hear right now, but please get a L and know your rights. My WAW said the same thing with a friendly tone and talk of being amicable. Well, a month ago her L sent a financial proposal that would've put me on the street had I signed. THEY SOUND NICE AT THE MOMENT BECAUSE THEY FEEL GUILTY. Once they get the BD over, they are with OM, and they blame you for all the pain...trust me, don't count on her being amicable any more than you count on her to be faithful!
Stinks, but I'd hate to see you add injury to insult.
Praying for you Parker. I believe this is God's way of finding out how sincere you are in your changes, and that you're doing them for you and for him. Please stay strong. You can do this.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
When do I write her a letter? Anything else I can do before she files? New therapist said the last shred of hope is to not control or manipulate anything. Be loving, caring, respectful.
SITCH Years of infidelity by me/H, working on perm change, DEC 2014 ILYBNILWY JAN 2105 OM JAN 2015 W says I plan to move out and file for D April 1, 2015 Dbing April 2015 H-39, W-37, M 18yrs, S-9
