I am glad that you got to meet with XW for lunch for it allowed you two to connect and catch up a bit.
You took a big step in asking your XW questions for your own closure. Try not to make it any more than what it is really. You two have gone your own separate ways. You two will always be tied through your sons.
I get the sense that you're going through some of the "what-if" questions in your mind. I think it is time that you let them go and focus on your present life with your GF.
Unlike many LBSes, you've been given a true gift by XW in the way of her response to your email. In my mind, she was sincere and authentic in her answers. As you probably can see, it was as hard on her as it was on you.
Be grateful for the beginnings of your friendship ith XW. I truly think that if you open your mind to that possibility, you will have a strong, life-long friend in XW. (Gee, I should take my own friggin' advice! When I am ready and on my own terms.)
