You're at that point in the process where your fear is now changing to anger and resentment. If you're not careful it will change to unforgiveness and then you'll move on to someone else. Problem is that because you didn't spend the effort to learn and understand how your actions affected your W, you'll end up repeating the same behaviors with someone else.
Hello MMn,
MrBond packed a lot of wisdom in the 3 sentences above. Don't feel bad, I went thru this myself and I know others have, too.
No matter how difficult, take life one day at a time. Make decisions one by one. Overcome obstacles separately. Start with matters you can do something about. Patiently work out how to deal with situations or problems that seem overwhelming. Take time to seek wise counsel. And keep working on making yourself a person only a fool would leave.
Good luck and hang in there.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
It's not so much that I have a problem with her anti-socialism. If she doesn't want to socialize that's fine. She's been that way since we've been together and it's never bothered me.
My worry is that she tends to bottle her emotions and doesn't open up or act on them.
There have been lots of occasions where she has said she wishes she could talk to her nephew more. This is the nephew she grew up with and he's more like a brother to her than anything. She refuses to call him because "well I don't know when he's going to be busy and I don't want to bug him."
She said the same thing about me last time she was here. She mentioned that because I've been busy (GALing) when she's tried to reach out to me and because I've taken a while to get back to her when I do that she doesn't want to reach out because she "didn't want to bug me."
She could be 100% ready to work things out now but her barrier to picking up the phone and talking to me about it would be barring it.
It would be like me having to skydive to apologize to her, I hate heights and the sensation of falling. The chances of me skydiving are slim to none. Similar to her picking up the phone and calling that nephew of hers she wants to talk to so badly or calling me for that matter.
I am hoping and praying that she eventually has the inclination to reconcile and that it is so strong that she is willing to step out of her comfort zone enough to want to reach out to me.
I can't help but think that maybe I could to do just a little more to reach out to her. I know I shouldn't but the worry is still there.
Me:33 W:34 T:13 M:8.5 D mentioned & S 2/13/15 "We can never get back together" 4/2/15 Visited & Mentioned she hasn't filed 4/20/15 "I want to have cats back" 5/4/15 Served D papers 5/8/15
Bottling her emotions, not talking to her nephew, not ringing on the phone; these are things she needs to do right now, They make sense to W or they would not be her choice.
Let W fix W that is not for you to do. That is control, sky dive, white charger, superhero what else?
You be in charge of you. Take care of you.
If she wants to she will, and eventually she may.
Do what works for you in your sitch, as long as W knows you are there for her and the road home is smooth, then that's enough.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
She just texted she wants the cats back... Do I give in and let her have them or not and then it's controlling her??
Me:33 W:34 T:13 M:8.5 D mentioned & S 2/13/15 "We can never get back together" 4/2/15 Visited & Mentioned she hasn't filed 4/20/15 "I want to have cats back" 5/4/15 Served D papers 5/8/15
Me:33 W:34 T:13 M:8.5 D mentioned & S 2/13/15 "We can never get back together" 4/2/15 Visited & Mentioned she hasn't filed 4/20/15 "I want to have cats back" 5/4/15 Served D papers 5/8/15
Nope - if you want the cats, you can assertively say you do. That's not controlling her. You can have a discussion about it, may even be a chance to demonstrate your changing self, and as long as you stick to 'I' statements and not 'you' statements, should be fine.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
Okay. I ran home and changed the locks so she couldn't just come in and take them.
Her msg was "I want to have the cats back. I am able to take them now. I have carrier."
How does this reply sound?
"No, thank you. I'm taking care of them. If you would like to discuss it then we can."
Me:33 W:34 T:13 M:8.5 D mentioned & S 2/13/15 "We can never get back together" 4/2/15 Visited & Mentioned she hasn't filed 4/20/15 "I want to have cats back" 5/4/15 Served D papers 5/8/15
It seems like every 2 weeks she pops back up to mess with my head. :-/
Me:33 W:34 T:13 M:8.5 D mentioned & S 2/13/15 "We can never get back together" 4/2/15 Visited & Mentioned she hasn't filed 4/20/15 "I want to have cats back" 5/4/15 Served D papers 5/8/15
I still haven't replied to her, it's been a little over 4 hours since she first texted me, and I just got two more texts from her.
I don't know what the first one said but the second asked, "About the cats?" so I can only guess the first one said "Did you get my texts earlier?" or something along those lines.
Me:33 W:34 T:13 M:8.5 D mentioned & S 2/13/15 "We can never get back together" 4/2/15 Visited & Mentioned she hasn't filed 4/20/15 "I want to have cats back" 5/4/15 Served D papers 5/8/15
