The lies and deceptions "don't affect the kids" and we will all just get along just fine after the D.
Wow - just wow
The level of this selfishness of this astounds me.
I am doing my best to the best the lighthouse and be the voice of reason for my kids. WW truly feels her unilateral decisions were in the "best intrests" of everyone.
I am doing my best to the best the lighthouse and be the voice of reason for my kids. WW truly feels her unilateral decisions were in the "best intrests" of everyone.
Hi HeavyD,
You are such a good person. Without having ever met you, there's no doubt in my mind that you are giving it your all to the best lighthouse and be the voice of reason for your children.
Keep a stiff upper lip and live one day at a time because that's all any of us gets. I wish you all the best!
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
You should never deprive your kids of the other parent. That being said setting boundaries is also acceptable. In other words, yea limit it to calling at night before bed, and maybe on the way to school. She may want to call 24/7 to talk to the kids, but unfortunately, her choices mean she does not have 24/7 access. Her constant calling, if it is interfering with your time with them, needs to be controlled.
For example, on school days my W calls the kids on the way to school (we have an hour drive) and she calls them before bed. I usually talk to them twice a day at set times when she has them. Now if something unusual is going on that one of us wants to share with the kids, no big deal. But if my W was calling 6 times a day I just wouldnt answer 4 or 5 of them. Normally we both send a text asking if the kids can talk. If the parent with the kids is busy or the kids are busy doing something, we will just say "in X minutes".
Again, there is a difference between setting boundaries and purposefully limiting the other parent access out of spite. Find your happy place
Last edited by pilot; 05/04/1512:33 AM.
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
My ww brought up counseling for the boys tonite also. I've already had the no open marriage talk. However, imo when it comes to co parenting and communicating, that's different. I would go to conseling.
As a wife and a friend she has disrespected you and is failing. As a mom, she may be doing ok. It's tough for me too, but I have to see it in different ways. Would I not go to a parent/teacher meeting just because she was there? Would I not see my sons sports game because of her? Not a chance, I'd be there. So, why wouldn't I go to counseling for them and not worry about her.
I do agree that family fun things like trips or movies, etc should be put on hold, but necessary things like this for their betterment, I view differently.
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
Thank you Bob for ALWAYS being so positive and uplifting during this awful time.
I will put on a brave face for the week and carry on and be the best Mom, employee, person I can be. I pray daily for strength and courgage to accept what His will is.
I keep re reading sandi's posts and while they are indeed "gold" and I don't think they really apply after the spouse leaves and chooses the AP. Is that a correct assumption?
My situation gave me no warning and no choice. It was accept this "open marriage" but then changed to "I should have left you years ago" and than again "this affair has nothing to do with my leaving" or I'm outta here. So here I am.
S9 is sick today - so I brought to office to chill out and the other kid D6 thought it was incredibly unfair that she had to go to scool and I had a hard time getting D6 into the class. I told the teacher what the problem was and hopefully all will be well.
Heavy ... finally caught up on your sitch .. I usually am not around much during the wekeend, I might read but seldom post.
So a few things that caught me.
That whole bit about it hurting when she talks to your S, about old things .. dogs and what not. Yeah, my W early on in her crisis did that too, was like she was selling S something she felt he wanted, she would constantly try to buy or talk her way out of the guilt. Take that for what it is, she has some serious guilt she is dealing with .... hence with that remark about you being nicer to her, becoming friends ... its a temp check .. common with MLC ... and yeah .. the more I read your story ... the more MLC parallels I see.
Some things to keep in mind if this is MLC, she will want to cake eat, she expects you to be just where she left you, that whole comment about reconciliation ... yeah they do that. Her checking in constantly ... she is off doing her own thing and the guilt adds up, she wants to believe her family is staying put and not moving on without her, all while she is trying to find happiness wherever it is .. it does not matter at this time how shallow.
So .. the trick for you. Focus on your kids, yourself, GAL and PMA. Set boundaries ... be neighborly and kind but do not allow her to mess with your head. She needs to start feeling that you will be fine and move on regardless of her actions ... be prepared for testing and temp checking along the way. Its a very LONG process.
again "this affair has nothing to do with my leaving" or I'm outta here. So here I am.
This sounds very familiar. I feel your pain with the kids. Being forced into being a part-time dad is a horrible experience.
So, I can certainly sympathize with your situation. The selfishness is astonishing, although I had glimpses of it in my situation, I didn't realize how deep it went. I keep telling myself that the lies and deceit will eventually catch up. But waiting for it is hard.
You're in my thoughts.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
I am sorry you are experiencing something like this too. I too had glimpses but never something like this nightmare. I am trying so hard to not think of her BS and to focus on my side of the street. It's harded when there are little kids involved because you are forced to deal with the ex on a regular basis and that blows.
I will keep you too in my thoughts and prayers. I takes a special person to foster kids. God Bless You!
