Card29 XI - Journey

[Card29]

It's not a pick-up book, and it's not about being a jerk. It's about being honest and true to yourself, not being deceitful and a chameleon. GB, I did "define what being a man means" for me, and I came up with the "make sure everyone knows you're nice", chameleon plan. Are you saying we should not try to learn from others?

I don't believe I have to "bang women" to be a man and have voiced that opinion on here before.

GB, going back to your previous post:

When DATING a boyfriend or girlfriend, despite any promises to the contrary it is a well known and accepted risk that they can DATE other people.

Couldn't disagree more. I do think there is a distinction that you can leave the relationship at anytime and date. But to remain in the R while also dating and sleeping with another is probably just as hurtful as if it was done during an M. But we don't have to agree.

I mean, couldn't your wife just say that your marriage was dead and you had had that emotional affair on her thereby, in her mind, terminating the marital contract and reducing it to nothing more than a "piece of paper"????

Putting your faith in the marriage he provided you and that you vowed to Him to uphold might be a good idea FOR YOU whether you recover or not. How big is your God?

She could define whatever terms she wants, I guess. It's her prerogative. I'm not "giving up" on the M because she had an A. I suspected for months that she was having an A yet I would have given my right leg to reconcile anyway. I've been going through this since June, not the last 2 months. And she's on her 3rd relationship in that time (that I know of), with several other random dates and hook-ups mixed in (that I know of). Meanwhile, I finally relized that I was going to be fine, same for D2, regardless of WAW coming back or not, and decided I wasn't going to wait any longer.

When your daughter eventually asks you about what honestly happened between you and mom how will you explain precisely that what "mom" did was very hurtful and disrespectful to you, that your prior EA doesn't justify what she ultimately did and your dating others before the divorce was actually completely different because HER FAMILY was just a piece of paper by that time??? Because you can't explain that...so, you just don't. You bury it and decide not to discuss it with her or by saying "Mom and Dad loved each other but we just didn't work and weren't meant to be together". Daughter then grows up viewing relationships and people as disposable. Marriage as pretend institution which nobody really takes to mean much of anything more than pretty dress up day and a "piece of paper". Kind of like a little more formal "dating" that you can walk away from when the moment suits you.

(I'm not better than you or preaching)

GB, I would just be careful guilt-tripping people you don't know much about. I welcome 2x4's but only if they're coming from people who really know what's going on with me. I do realize that you care and appreciate your time.