Newcomer dealing with WAH in Midlife Crisis, EA/probly PA

[TP459]

I've been quiet I know. I thought I knew better & I thought I could love & reason my husband out of this...WRONG! Monster returned on Fri & spued all ridiculous accusations all over me again! So since Fri I haven't sent him any love emails, haven't initiated texts or calls (with 3 young kids we do have to communicate). Today I actually woke up feeling somewhat normal, I didn't have that sick pit in my stomach (which I'm sure will return from time to time).

I did a lot of reading over the weekend & I see that MLC often involves over indulging in alcohol so now I'm wondering if husband's MLC started 3-5 years ago! 5 years ago (altho he only 33) we lost his grandfather (H extremely close, he was over our house like everyday) in a fatal car accident & 2 weeks later his sister lost her baby (stillborn)! Drinking increased but I didn't notice any unusual behavior & figured drinking was drowning his sorrows (which can be normal).

About 3yrs ago we discovered that our youngest & only son has a genetic disorder. A lil back ground about my H...he's a incredible athlete..,probably could've been in MLB if he would've cared more about his grades. Huge into sports! Unbelievable knowledge of most sports! Now I can tell you when you find out something is wrong with your child it is extremely hard to process & accept (like discovering you're married to an MLCer!) its a grieving process & it's almost like suffering a loss. To this day altho H said that he had accepted it, he recently told me that he still doesn't think he's ok with it.

Now 3yrs ago drinking escalated heavily, in fact it was really weighing on our marriage! I also just recently discovered that my H has been having some kind of relation with an OW for 3yrs!

Now he didn't leave until 2 months ago when he recently connected with a former classmate (at least the 2nd OW that I'm aware of...who knows). This time I really felt him pulling away & confronted him about seeming to have 1 foot out the door. He said he wasn't happy & I said well if you're that unhappy why don't you just leave (& he did!) Altho I know this is NOT my fault I gave him the opportunity to leave!

So did MLC begin 3-5 years ago (wishing & hoping) & we are in a Replay or did it begin with him leaving (hoping NOT cause this is unbearable)?