Hi Xfit, I'm here! I'm so sorry you're having a rough time, and I can truly understand it. Your sitch has progressed relatively fast, and there's a lot to process there. It sounds as though you have many feelings about the recent D, your XW, what may be happening and so on, which isn't surprising.
Without looking back, I'm not sure what support you may have had in recent months. Have you seen an IC at all? Or been involved in a support group or similar? At the moment, I'm looking into the Divorce Recovery Workshop. I'm in the UK, and the workshop is run by local volunteers, all of whom have been through a relationship break up. I sent off the enquiry form yesterday, and got a call from a friendly woman today who told me all about it and emailed some details. It sounds good I think.
You may not be in the UK, but I think the DRW format may be a global thing. I have heard of them being run in the US for example, if that's where you are. My local group have run 20 workshops each for 10 people over the past 10 years. From the 200 people who have gone through it, 130 remain on their mailing list and come to regular events they organise - wow!
You mention being patient in respect of your W, but TBH I would put the emphasis on you here, and focus on healing yourself and moving forward. You may not yet be ready to move on completely and give up hope. But that doesn't mean you need to put your own life on hold in any sense. If your XW has any second thoughts, she'll reach out for sure. Good luck with your journey and keep posting.
Posters like Dawn are posting after D, and I think it's great for you to stay on the site. As Wonka recently said, if you're still growing and learning, you're in the right place!
Take care, Toots :-)
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
