Whoa, I'm not suffering much anymore! Now what?!?

[Zues126]

Thanks Smothy.

I've been posting everywhere but here. Gans thread, JB's, yours, Py's, etc.

One thing I just mentioned has to do with my feelings of self worth. I feel my personal self worth is very good right now, but what I feel I am worth to a woman is very low.

Like if you loved a certain movie that you'd tried to share with several different friends and everyone else hated it, and it got horrible reviews. You still like the movie, but you learn that no one else really does.

There was an exchange where Lisa B said "it would help if he was hot and good at sex" and Jelly B agreed. What's strange is my immediate reaction was "hmmm, that rules me out, I'm not attractive and would probably be a disappointment for them in bed".

What's strange is that unlike my movie example, I don't know that I've gotten a ton of negative feedback. It's more like I've been afraid to share that movie with anyone else because I'm afraid of a negative reaction. And as for the last part, I have no reason to think I'm unattractive, or to think I couldn't make a woman very happy. The frustrating part is I think in my head that I would be an absolutely fantastic partner because I am sensitive, loving, loyal, smart, funny, open, honest, gifted, and accepting...however somehow in my heart I feel like I have some flaw that once women see who I really am they will cut bait.

To be fair, because of my fears and introverted nature I have only been with two women (both of whom pursued me initially, then cheated and broke it off at the end), but I have always been repulsed with the idea of playing the field or sewing my oats. I really just want one woman in my life. So I've basically had minimal contact with other woman except for the two relationships I had, I'm not out seeking or achieving a lot of affirmation from women. Neither had any negative feedback about my looks or performance. However, I can see that if I am convinced of my low worth (and need constant reassurance that I'm good enough) that can be picked up on and devalue me to women, or to my partner, who could then actually start to agree with my negative self assessment.

I'm not really sure how to change that, or even if I really need to. If it requires me to go on lots of dates and hook up with a number of women I am not really interested. I understand that would 'work' as I am in sales, and I know how confidence builds as you 'close more deals'. But I don't want to close a lot of deals. Personally I would rather just try online dating, wait until I find someone that would rather share openly and honestly who they are and what they want, as well as their beliefs. And then be prepared to do a better job so that my insecurities don't translate into destructive behavior. What I'd need is a woman that can understand my battle and not FIX me, but simply be my partner and support me as I continue to do great things in my life for the both of us.

This is where I am on May 3. So yes, I am personally doing quite well. Thanks for the kind words.

So the question- is there another way to build confidence in your value to a member of the opposite sex without trying to become a playboy? If not, is there something wrong with the path I would then choose above?

This isn't a firm plan, I'm a long way out from taking any action as I am M and am nowhere close to ready. But this is part of my journey to get there.