I think all of us on this forum have fallen victim to lies that our spouse have told us and we believed. I have to agree with TenBook that you are being too hard on yourself.
I would follow your DB Coach's advice. You may have already read or heard this, but just in case you haven't, DB'ing is counter-intuitive.
Best of luck to you -- I wish you well.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15