Focusing on what works

[Closer2]

I've been rereading NNMNG and lurking on the forums.

I'm hard on myself because I've been too easy on myself in the past. I believed the lies she was telling me. On D-day, she told me she was not seeing anyone. New Years Eve, I discovered she was. She told me it was only and EA. A couple of weeks ago I found out it was a PA. I saw conversations about marriage, OM being a step dad to my kids, and detailed sex talk. I quit reading what I found and haven't looked at it since. She told me it was just talk and he was much more serious about their R.

My DB coach said she lies because she's afraid. She's afraid of my reactions to the truth. She wanted me to go away without a fight. She even admitted that she wants me to just go away. I'll admit there was a point last year that I was strongly considering divorcing her. Like many on this forum, I didn't realize I didn't want a D until it was too late and she filed. When I discovered her affair, it was a surreal experience. Really strange, almost like I was looking down from above at myself. It was a wake call.

I have to focus on what works. My DB coach has been suggesting trying to be more open to her and to spend time talking to her. I feel like I need to distance myself and detach. I need to get out of this house and put some space between us. It's difficult for me to let go without space.

I appreciate any 2x4s, suggestions, or advice.