Nole_Girl (1) Intro

[Zues126]

For the WAS to return a few things have to happen. They have to feel that it would be different than before. And usually they have to suffer from the consequences of their choices.

At this point I don't think he feels it would be different. And I don't think he's realized the consequences of his choices.

All you can do is address the first half. Really focusing in on the areas you can grow and change. I understand it's hard to show him changes with limited contact, no kids. But it would be IMPOSSIBLE to show him changes if you don't change. And besides, those changes have to be for you anyway. You will benefit either way. So keep talking about what you're working on, your progress, your thoughts on what you would do differently.

As for him feeling the consequences...you can't control that. Yes, it's scary that you can't control the outcome. One of my worst fears was that my STBX would hit rock bottom, make some life changes, and become a great W- 3 years from now after she was remarried. That stinks. But there is nothing we can do about it. It's no different than being with an alcoholic, or a gambling addict. We can't rescue them. They are on their own journey. All we can do is not enable them. We enable by being their 'plan B' as that only SHIELDS them from the consequences of their choices.

So GAL, 180s, detachment...truly are the answer.