My First Break, Light Shines Yonder

[Pyrite]

hey Fogg, thanks for your post. Its true. why would i want to be on the ride that makes me sick.

One thing keeping me on the roller-coaster has been that once I get off I can't get back on, and seeing it from the outside I won't want to even stand in line. So i will move move on, or move forward. Not necessarily to the next ride, just around the park.

i'll always be able to see the high track of the roller coaster (mother of my kids). but i'm not heading back there. the RC might come under new management, but will never need to advertise for riders, and I'm not interested in lining up.

She's not going to flash her lights at me. Anticipating this as a possibility is holding me back.

I think what I am getting used to is that ...... I'm not saying that she won't, and i'm not saying that she might. I/she might win $1M or get hit by a bus. i'm saying that I am moving on to this future, where the RC is just part of the landscape and holds no special focus. The FOCUS is what do I want. And how do I go about getting it.

One thing I want is to be happy and full-filled and not NEED anyone else. I do want a R one day, and this will go a long way to making it a happy/healthy R. There are numerous ways to work on this now, and I would like to think that I am, and have been.

BUT I have been drawn back to the RC because that is in my focus. IF only because I am watching its course, peering through my fingers. Its time to turn my back and walk away. I'm not angry. and I won't stubbornly refuse to turn my head because the RC hurt me and I am adamant to never go back there.

The RC (W) is there. I might go back there, I might not. Thinking about RC - done. New topic.

I am not saying I am there. I will backslide, as always, but hey .... thats life.