Focusing on what works

[Closer2]

Thanks TenBook. So many new folks on here lately. I feel I'm lost.

I'm truly lost here at home. W keeps telling me one thing and I believe she is doing another. She could be telling me the truth about where she's going, what she's doing, and I don't believe her. I don't ask, she offers the information. I just feel like I'm living with a stranger.

She's going out tonight with friends. She instantly tells me that OM is not in town (you said that before). Then a friend asks her to watch their dog, so she says she is going to the stay night at her mothers because it's close to the dog. She tells me to come by the house and check to see she's alone. Her defensiveness upset me. We got ended up getting into an argument and I left the house.

Wow, I just deleted almost half of this post. I think I just realized something that I have been in denial about for a long time. Maybe other's have noticed. I'm sure W has noticed. I'm trying to control her. When she told me she would do whatever I needed to earn my trust, I saw that as an opportunity control.

I really thought I had gotten past the need to be in control. Why can't I? How do I?

I think the crumbs and scraps she offers me kept pulling me back to her. She would always want to talk at night and be close and I liked it. I can't do that anymore, no matter how good it feels at the time.