Zelda - hang me up to dry

[Zelda09]

I am struggling, more so than I'd wanted to think. I was on a plane today home from funeral and the poor unfortunate man next to me had to endure me crying my eyes out into the window. Silent as I could be but I am overwhelmed.

I don't know how I can start a new career - not that I've even secured an interview yet. Laid off, scared of losing my home and credit, idk why my H hasn't signed his papers and I hate myself for hoping it means anything in particular, or why he's asking after me and sending me stupid articles. In one week so much has changed. There is nothing in his actions that says he wants to change or be with me. My dear grandmother, what a beautiful rich life she led, and I have the usual regrets of not calling more often. She was my first best friend and practically raised me through grade school.

i just feel paralyzed and I want to be a fetus for a little while. I can't afford to rest my heart or brain because I have to survive. I've never felt so sad or low and this seems like someone is asking me to climb Mt Everest after months of starvation and a broken leg.