Cali, I too find myself doing nice things for H without being asked, then getting upset that it wasn't appreciated. I also feel I can be too available and open to things. Time to change that up a bit while still being true to who I am, find a balance that works for me.
H had S Thursday evening, but had to bring him home instead of have him overnight because he had a 6:30 am meeting. Bonus time for S and I.
Friday was a nice quiet night with all my babies home (S, dog and cat), my favorite kind of night.
Tonight is H's weekend with S. He came and picked him up and was also able to book a last minute play date foR him because his other buddy had to cancel. H actually set it up to all meet here, then took the boys with him. The mom, who I really like a lot, but haven't talked to in a while, was a little thrown off that H doesn't live here anymore. I have learned to keep it short and simple....We are doing another trial separation, better friends than ever, hoping we can work things out, time and patience will tell. I really hate trying to figure out what to say, you know?
So I have been invited to a party to watch this big fight everyone is talking about. Looking forward to it.
Also going to book a mini cruise for S and I this weekend to take in July. I have decided to proceed with the plan of it being just S and I. I am not going to invite H. I have thought a lot about it, it would be pretty awkward to go together under the current circumstances. I want to be able to enjoy myself and get away from all this! H had mentioned before that he may join us, but I will deal with that if it comes up, which I am thinking it won't. So anyway, S and I are really excited about it!
I have been reading the story of Reaching Higher in the archives. It has been helpful to redirect my perspective.
Something that popped in my mind this morning. I wonder sometimes, could I be happier with someone else? Is H the wrong person for me? Then I think about good times and how much I love him, how much we have been through together. My heart tells me this, it's not the person, it's the relationship. The key is fixing and changing the relationship, not the person. And that starts with changes in me.
Our 12 year wedding anniversary is in 2 weeks. Really dreading having to "ignore" it another year. It's just looming out there....
