I went over to our house the other day to pick up some tools and my W happened to come out and start talking with me. I listened to what she had to say, trying to reflect back and validate, and not say too much myself. That is a 180 for me, because I would almost always jump in with my two cents before. The convo went pretty well as we strolled over our property and she showed me the things she had done outside over the past few weeks. I saw that a tree was leaning to the side and asked her about it. She said it had just started to do that over the past few weeks and asked me what I thought might be wrong. I tell you all this only because I can't remember the last time she asked my opinion about anything. That felt kinda good.
So I was feeling good about this whole interaction and was thinking I should leave soon so it would end on a good note. Ha! Didn't get gone quite soon enough. She brought up the topic of paying for stuff and as she went on, I could see the flywheel-of-anger start to spool up. This is a very ingrained pattern with her--get angry and start to blame Diesel for everything that has gone wrong. I did not take the bait. I told her I did not come to the house to argue, said good bye, got into my car and left. This was another 180 for me. A year ago I would have engaged and a full-blown fight would have ensued.
My relationship with W may be FUBAR, but I'm feeling better and better about myself and my behavior at least.
