Thank you all for your support, thoughts and prayers. I keep reminding myself that this is all about me and what I want going forward. Rethinking my future, visualizing life without the antics of a mlcer is looking pretty good at the moment. There are waves of sadness, feelings of rejection and a lot of unanswered questions but I WILL work through this.
Watching him poke his head out of the tunnel, have moments of clarity and then scurry back in to the comfort of the tunnel/cocoon has been so difficult. Things that he said about a new beginning for us, a comment he made after he told me he was going through with the D. "it will all work out, you'll see", remind me how confused they really are. This would be so much easier if he would just go away! I handle this so much better when I have little to no contact with him.
In true mlc style he changes his mind on a weekly and sometimes daily basis. So far it's full speed ahead on the D. Funny thing is, he is no longer going to move away from our town because "you and D2 are here, I would miss you. I like living here". Totally opposite of what he was saying a few weeks ago. He calls even more often since he "dropped another b" (his exact words)and when I don't answer his calls he keeps calling until I answer or send him a text. He rarely leaves a message so why would he expect me to call? He stopped by one day after calling 3 or 4 times and told me to answer my phone so he can stop worrying about me. Really? It appears to be the distance/pursuer dance.
I'm leaving here shortly for a few days of R & R and a change of scenery. I've packed a book that I've been meaning to finish reading, a little junk food and a lot of light-hearted DVD's.
I'll check in again when I return.
Me:57H:62 M:34T:35 2S,2D (grown nlah) BD:09/2012 visits M ow EA/PA?:10/2012 H moves out 06/2013
"Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace." -Dalai Lama
