Alpha Step At A Time #5

[alpha99]

Hi twinmom,

I have just reread my recent posts and I can see how it does come across like you're suggesting. On the face of it it would seem I'm comparing and contrasting my W to suit my own ends. I'd like to think I'm just being honest here though, thinking out loud. We all judge people. I accept a lack of respect from me contributed to things turning out how they have with my W. I don't see that as a reoccurring trait of mine, more unique to that circumstance with that person.

I totally get your comments that a future relationship with someone else wouldn't work if I don't learn from my M and what went wrong there. Although I am maybe not fully expressing things in these posts as well as I could, I do feel I have done a lot of soul searching in recent times and I am aware of my flaws and what to do about them. This girl I've dated recently is far cleverer than me and so it's a complete turnaround from what I've been used to. I know there would be no chance of not respecting her.

Just to reiterate, I didn't seek out these dates to begin with, quite the opposite, and if it doesn't work out I don't think I would actively search for anyone else right now. If I was in any doubt over whether my M had a future or not I wouldn't proceed, but sitting here it is incredibly clear that it is dead in the water. I agree it's been a short amount of time to move on but it feels the healthiest option for me now.

In lots of ways I feel I'm becoming a better person, and that needs to continue. My W has become manipulative, greedy, selfish, and shows zero feeling for me. She can be cordial when she wants something but that's about it. I know I'm not perfect. I know that sounds like justifying dating or whatever, but since she really has become that kind of person I don't see how I could put up with her anyway, or even hang around hoping somehow she will change back again to who she was before.